Coupling, Series Two

Patrick:
Julia's pants... are they really tiny?

Jeff:
You could accidentally swallow three whole pairs in one go!

Patrick:
Jeff?

Jeff:
Yeah?

Patrick:
They spread.

Jeff:
What?

Patrick:
Pants. They spread, and grow.

Steve:
Experts can determine the age of a relationship from pants spreadage alone.

Patrick:
You start off with that sexy little thong...

Steve:
And one day you're looking at the makings of a decent sized trampoline.

Jeff:
[scared] It's not gonna be like that with me and Julia.

Steve:
Jeff, Jeff. Before you know it, you'll be sitting on the sofa with Julia, she'll be wearing pants large enough to cover Switzerland, and you'll discover that you're unable to make the slightest movement without her asking, [high-pitched] "Where are you going?" Every time! "Where are you going?" She won't even know she's saying it! It's- it's like you've set off a motion sensor. And then, you'll notice that your house is covered in shoes. [gets up and picks up a shoe] Shoes! Shoes everywhere! Why do they have so many shoes? Do they have extra feet we don't know about? Do they sprout rows of additional feet while we're asleep and gallop around the streets at night shouting [screeching] "WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

[Jeff and Patrick stare at him]

Steve:
Uh... S-sorry. Dr-drifted a bit there.