That '70s Show, Season 1

Eric:
Hyde's mom is gone, and he is going downhill. I mean, he's sitting over there in the dark eating ketchup off crackers.

Kelso:
I ate gum off a parking meter once. But it was on a dare. I made a dollar. Man, there's some suckers out there!

Fez:
Crackers and ketchup are "K" words. Which makes them naturally funny.

Donna:
[laughing] Oh my God! I can feel, like, all the molecules in my body. I'm gonna count them! One, two, three...

Eric:
[playing with View-Master] You guys disgust me. Does anyone care about Hyde? Oh my God, run Scooby! Now, run!

Kelso:
You know what's freaking me out? I saw Jackie sick, without makeup. And it was, like, the freakiest thing I've ever seen in my entire, entire life. Including the class trip to the sausage factory.

Fez:
Ai, if I never see the inside of another cow, it will be too soon! Jerky?

Donna:
Eighteen, nineteen... I have the biggest hands in the world! Damn it! One, two...

Eric:
So his mom's gone, and I know he doesn't want any help. But the Donner party didn't get any help, and then they ate each other so... [to Fez] Hey, don't bogart that jerky.

Kelso:
Yeah, no parents would be cool! Like The Lord of the Flies!

Eric:
Kelso, did you ever finish Lord of the Flies?

Kelso:
No. So?

Eric:
Nothing. Look, what are we gonna do about Hyde? We should tell someone.

Kelso:
What am I gonna do about Jackie? I can't even look at her!

Fez:
She's unpleasant when she's healthy, so I can only imagine how she looks like!

Donna:
Hey, Kelso... Jackie's my friend. [points finger at him] And you're shallow... [looks at finger] and pathetic. And you know what else? [shows hands] My hands are huge! They're like boxing gloves. [impersonating Muhammad Ali] I am the Greatest!

Eric:
Okay, champ. Whatever you—[Donna punches Eric]