The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two

Bill:
So, how excited am I gonna be to see the garage?

Lauren:
"Excited" may not be the right word.

Trent:
(grins) Yeah, it might be exactly the wrong word. An anthonym, if you will. (Bill looks bewildered)

Bryan:
(disgusted) It's antonym.

Trent:
Oh, right! I was thinking, you know, at the beginning of baseball games- the national anthonym?

Lauren:
Guys- guys! I'll do the talking. (to Bill) We didn't clean the garage, and we're not going to.

Bill:
(looks quickly at Susan) Excuse me?

Susan:
This better be a joke.

Lauren:
No! We discussed it, and we decided it's not fair.

Trent:
Yeah! You're not paying us any money, so what's in it for us?

Bill:
"What's in it for"- how about a roof over your head?! Food on the table?! (Susan nods) Warm beds?!

Lauren:
We get that stuff anyway. If you want the garage cleaned, you're gonna have to sweeten the deal.

Susan:
I think you're forgetting who's in charge, here!

Bill:
That is right! And, you know what, after dinner you three will clean that garage!

Lauren:
Fine- if you pay us. (Bill looks at Susan in disbelief)

Susan:
This is not a negotiation!

Trent:
Well, then we're not cleaning it!

Bryan:
We're tired of you guys oppressing us! Until you pay us, we're on strike!

Bill:
(stunned)... On strike? On strike?! (Trent nods)

Bryan:
Yeah, like the Pullman car workers of 1894. They-

Bill:
Zip it, Encyclopedia Brown! (Bryan shuts up) You kids think this house is a democracy?! No, uh-uh! I'm in charge!

Susan:
(gestures to her self) Hey, hey-

Bill:
(gestures to her) We are in charge!

Trent:
Other kids' parents don't make them do all their work.

Bill:
Really? Well, do other kids' parents do this? Gimme your cell phones. (stands up and grabs Lauren and Trent's phones, Lauren and Trent both protest) Hey, you got four bars!

Susan:
Bill! Focus.

Bill:
But we're on the same plan- (Susan gesture for him to forget it, Bryan holds out a calculator) Your calculator?

Bryan:
They have to give something up, I will too.

Bill:
Fine! (takes it)

Bryan:
I already feel naked.