The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two

Susan:
(stares at him) What is goin' on?

Bill:
I realized that the pantry was still accessible, and no food means no food. (goes to the closet, pauses) Well, not no food- I left some pimento loaf. (turns around) By the way, stop buying that!

Susan:
(comes over to inspect the bins, removes a light bulb) What are these for?

Bill:
Light is a privilege too, Susan! If they wanna find that pimento loaf, they'll have to use their sense of smell. Which shouldn't be hard- how old is that stuff?!

Susan:
Don't you think you're taking this a little bit too far?

Bill:
Honey, our hold on power in this house is sketchy, at best. If we back down now, that can only lead to us being overthrown, beaten and locked in the basement closet- and you just know what they'll feed us!

Susan:
(scoffs in exhasperation) I get it- you don't like the pimento loaf! (pause) All right, I'll go along with you on this one. (smiles) Actually, I'm kind of happy with you being the bad guy, for once.

Bill:
(wags his finger at her) It's about teachin' them a little respect- and I don't care if they don't like me. (turns away, pauses and turns back with a wounded expression) You think they don't like me?