The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two

The Bill Engvall Show (2007–2009) follows a family in suburban Colorado. The main character is Bill Pearson, a well-meaning therapist who often has trouble understanding his own family. He is typically assisted by his more sensible and strong-will… more »

Bill:
Morning. (he sleepily tries to kiss Susan, but she moves and he kisses the pillow) Is it just me, or is your face a little puffy today? What's the matter?

Susan:
(sharply) Who's Penelope?

Bill:
What? Penelope- I don't know anybody by that name. Why?

Susan:
I had a dream last night that you're having an affair with a woman named Penelope!

Bill:
(sarcastically as he gets up) Oh! Yeah, that Penelope. Yeah, we've been fooling around in other people's sleep for years. You should see us during naps, we're like bunnies!

Susan:
Stop it, Bill, this is really bothering me!

Bill:
You're kidding me, right? This thing that happened in a dream?

Susan:
No, no, no- it wasn't a dream, it was a premonition!

Bill:
Oh, you know what this reminds me of? A certain horse-race where I was persuaded to bet a hundred dollars on a horse named "Lazy Susan!"

Susan:
That was a hunch! It wasn't a premonition- there's a difference.

Bill:
Between first and last place? I'll say! (goes to his closet)

Susan:
You don't understand! I have only woken up twice in my life with this feeling, and both times my premonition was true!

Bill:
"And what were they?" He asked, knowing he'll regret it.

Susan:
Remember Diane Hamilton?

Bill:
Yeah, your friend with the buck teeth.

Susan:
She's a brilliant composer.

Bill:
And in need of an equally brilliant dentist.

Susan:
The night before her wedding, I had a premonition that her fiancee would leave her at the alter.

Bill:
Honey, that's not a premonition, that's just common sense! Nobody wants a wife who can build a dam with no tools! (he walks away, Susan follows him looking put-out)

Susan:
When I was twelve, I dreamt my uncle Max was gonna die- and the next day, boom! He's gone.

Bill:
And lemme guess! He's ninety-two and on life support.

Susan:
Mm-Mmm! Forty-five, had a heart attack in a department store. He was testing a mattress- we all thought he just really liked it!

0.0 / 0 votes
3

Submitted by wikidude on June 03, 2024

Translation

Find a translation for this quote in other languages:

Select another language:

  • - Select -
  • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
  • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
  • Español (Spanish)
  • Esperanto (Esperanto)
  • 日本語 (Japanese)
  • Português (Portuguese)
  • Deutsch (German)
  • العربية (Arabic)
  • Français (French)
  • Русский (Russian)
  • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
  • 한국어 (Korean)
  • עברית (Hebrew)
  • Gaeilge (Irish)
  • Українська (Ukrainian)
  • اردو (Urdu)
  • Magyar (Hungarian)
  • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
  • Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Italiano (Italian)
  • தமிழ் (Tamil)
  • Türkçe (Turkish)
  • తెలుగు (Telugu)
  • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
  • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
  • Čeština (Czech)
  • Polski (Polish)
  • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
  • Românește (Romanian)
  • Nederlands (Dutch)
  • Ελληνικά (Greek)
  • Latinum (Latin)
  • Svenska (Swedish)
  • Dansk (Danish)
  • Suomi (Finnish)
  • فارسی (Persian)
  • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
  • հայերեն (Armenian)
  • Norsk (Norwegian)
  • English (English)

Share your thoughts on The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two's quote with the community:

0 Comments

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this movie quote to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two Quotes." Quotes.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 15 Mar. 2025. <https://www.quotes.net/show-quote/184148>.

    Know another quote from The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two?

    Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "The Bill Engvall Show, Season Two" movie - add it here!

    Quiz

    Are you a quotes master?

    »
    "No soup for you!"
    A South Park
    B Friends
    C Seinfeld
    D Mr. Bean