The Boondocks, Season 1

White House Spokesman:
And so, we're raising the Terror Alert Level to intense orange-red based on very credible, detailed information on a non-specific threat. Could it be a hijacking? Absolutely possible. Chemical or biological agent? You bet it could happen. Suicide bomber? Hey, ya never know. But what we do know is that it's absolutely, positively gonna happen today, maybe.

Jazmine:
(hysterical) Terrorists have my daddy!

Huey:
Jazmine, calm down!

Jazmine:
Terrorists kidnapped my father and they're going to cut off his head in Algeria! My daddy was supposed to be home from work before school let out and he isn't here. And we're at terror alert level orange! Orange!!

Huey:
Jazmine, just because your dad is late coming home from work doesn't mean that...

(Phone rings)

Riley:
(answers the phone) Hello?

Tom:
(frantic) Riley. Is that you? Put your brother on, it's an emergency.

Riley:
What's the emergency?

Tom:
I'm in jail.

(slight pause, Riley starts to laugh)

Riley:
Don't drop the soap. (hangs up)

Huey:
Who was that?

Riley:
(the phone rings, and he answers it again) Yeah?

Tom:
RILEY. It's Tom.

Riley:
I thought you only get one phone call from jail.

(Huey grabs the phone)

Huey:
Who's this?

Tom:
Huey! I got arrested! They say I fit the description. I think it's 'cause I'm black Huey! You have to get me out of here Huey. You don't wanna know what they'll do to me in jail.

Huey:
They'll rape you, that's what they're gonna do. But you're not in jail, you're in holding, and I don't think people usually get raped in holding; hold on. (yelling) Granddad, do people get raped in holding?

(Jazmine starts to cry)

Tom:
Stop stop stop! I don't want your granddad to know. I don't want anybody to know. Listen. They can't keep people in holding over the weekend. At nine o'clock tonight, they're going to put me on a bus and send me to real jail. Real! Jail! Earliest I can get out would be on Monday.

Huey:
Well it's just the weekend.

Tom:
It only takes one night to get anally raped! Huey, the only way for me to get out of here is if you find the real killer tonight.

Huey:
The real killer?! Nigga, I'm 10! How am I gonna find the real killer?

Tom:
Please! You gotta try...

Huey:
Alright alright alright. Damn.

Tom:
Thank yooou Huuey. Whatever you do, don't tell my baby Jazmine. I don't want her to know her daddy was somebody's biiittcch! (he starts weeping)

Jazmine:
Was that Daddy? Where is he? Is he okay? Was he kidnapped by terrorists?

Huey:
Umm... your father wants you to know he's nobodys' bitch.

Jazmine:
(starts to cry again)