The Boondocks, Season 1

Granddad:
I can’t believe I let Mo talk me into this.

Aunt Cookie:
Well, you already here. He said he left you something nice. You might as well go on and get it over with.

Granddad:
(scowls)

Aunt Cookie:
Do you know what you gonna say?

Granddad:
No.

Aunt Cookie:
Well, don’t worry. Just read this (she presents a piece of paper to him). Mo wrote it. He thought you might have some trouble.

Granddad:
(steps to the podium, starts reading the paper) Everything I have in life I owe to Mo Jackson... (looks questioningly at Aunt Cookie)

Aunt Cookie:
(urges him on)

Granddad:
(tentatively) I have never once been gay, but Mo was a very sexy man. We used to call him "Mo bitches"? I once saw Mo in his underwear? And it changed my life? I wish I had a father like Mo Jackson. Mo Jackson paid my rent over fifty times?! ... Okay this is bullshit!

Audience:
(collectively gasps)

Granddad:
Mo Jackson was a asshole.

Audience:
(collectively gasps again)

Granddad:
Mo Jackson was a petty, immature, selfish man. Oh, he was good at one thing: that’s bringin’ the worst out of everybody he met. I came up here because I thought Mo wanted to make things right. But it was just one more chance for him to make a fool out of me. (he walks off stage; people start murmuring amongst themselves)

Man Sitting At a Table:
Yeah, that damn nigga owed me five dollars!

Dewey:
(takes the microphone) Brothers, sisters… please. I think it’s time for a poem: Doom comes like a vacuum, ‘cause death sucks and smells like a raccoon or a baboon... Death kills us like crack killed Pooky... Like Schwarzenegger killed Tookie. Chewbacca was a wookie. Revolution.

[The audience sits in silent, stunned confusion.]

Riley:
Booo... Hey! "Erykah BaDewey"! That was real gay, my nigga! Cut that out!

Cairo:
Shut up, Riley!

Huey:
What’s wrong with you Cairo?! That nigga’s corny.

Cairo:
Corny? Nigga, you’re corny. At least he’s here! Why don’t you follow your punk-ass granddaddy back to Whitesville? Fake nigga?

[Huey punches Cairo in the face and the two start fighting; Dewey looks nervously at Riley and flees from the podium]

Riley:
[Chasing after him] Don't run, nigga, I see you!