The Borgias, Season One

French Captain:
Your Royal Highness, may I introduce you to Cardinal Guiliano Della Rovere? (Charles continues eating) Cardinal Della Rovere, His Royal Highness King Charles of France.

Guiliano Della Rovere:
(bows) Your Royal Highness.

Charles VIII:
We have heard of you.

Guiliano Della Rovere:
And I of you, Your Highness. Your military renown has traveled far and wide-

Charles VIII:
(irritated) Enough of the pleasantries! You are the one who would give us the Crown of Naples. (gestures for Della Rovere to sit opposite him, Della Rovere does so)

Guiliano Della Rovere:
The Kingdom of France has long had claims on the investiture of the Kingdom of Naples. I would-

Charles VIII:
I said, enough pleasantries, did I not? Just tell me, Cardinal (leans forward) How you would place the Crown of Naples on this ugly head of mine. (Della Rovere looks startled) And it is exceedingly ugly, is it not?

Guiliano Della Rovere:
Your Highness bears all the vigor of the French race in his person.

Charles VIII:
(smirks, to his Generals) He's afraid to say it. Is my head not ugly, General?

French General:
(grins) I can hardly bear to gaze at it. (the Generals laugh)

Charles VIII:
So, admit it, Cardinal- I have all the graces of a carnival dwarf.

Guiliano Della Rovere:
Those words would never pass my lips, Your Highness.

Charles VIII:
Well, then we may get nowhere. I appreciate only plain speech. (eats, pause) Tell us, then, what you want of us- plainly.

Guiliano Della Rovere:
... My countrymen are accustomed to the show of war, not the reality. They could never muster the courage to sustain your French fury.

Charles VIII:
... You want me to march to Rome, depose that Borgia, give you the Papal Crown... in the hope that you will place the Crown of Naples on this ugly head. (indicates himself)

Guiliano Della Rovere:
(firmly) I want to restore the universal Church to her former dignity.

Charles VIII:
Couldn't this Borgia do the same?

Guiliano Della Rovere:
(bewildered) Restore the Church?

Charles VIII':
Place the Crown of Naples on this ugly noggin?

Guiliano Della Rovere:
"Noggin?"

Charles VIII:
Head. (his Generals chuckle)

Guiliano Della Rovere:
(curlty) Either way, you must get to Rome, Your Highness.