The Golden Girls, Season 1

Dorothy:
Oh girls, let's face facts. The three of us just can't agree on anything. I mean, it is obvious we were not meant to live together.

Blanche:
I hate to agree with you, but I think you're right.

Rose:
I think so too. In fact, I know so. This is exactly what happened during the Great Herring War.

Blanche:
The Great Herring War?

Rose:
Yes. Between the Lindstroms and the Johanssons.

Dorothy:
Oh, that Great Herring War.

Rose:
The two families controlled the most fertile herring waters off the coast of Norway, so naturally, it seemed like it would be in their best interest to band together. Oh, boy, was that a mistake. You see, they couldn't agree on what to do with the herring.

Dorothy:
Well, that's understandable. I mean, the possibilities are overwhelming.

Rose:
Exactly. The Johanssons wanted to pickle the herring and the Lindstroms wanted to train them for the circus.

Blanche:
Weren't they kind of hard to see, riding on the elephants?

Rose:
Oh, not that kind of circus. A herring circus. Sort of like SeaWorld, only smaller. Much, much smaller. But bigger than a flea circus.

Dorothy:
[struggling to control her laughter along with Blanche] Uh, tell me, Rose, did they ever shoot a herring out of a cannon?

Rose:
[after a long pause] Only once. [Blanche and Dorothy start laughing uncontrollably] But they shot him into a tree. After that, no other herring would do it.

Blanche:
You're making this up!

Rose:
I am not. My grandfather told me that story. Of course, he also used to call me by my sister's name. And sometimes, he'd wear his underwear on the outside of his pants. I guess he wasn't a very reliable source.