The Good Place, Season 1

[While everyone argues, Eleanor closes her eyes and takes a deep breath as she tries to think. Suddenly, her eyes snap open.]

Eleanor:
Holy motherforking shirtballs.

Chidi:
What?

Eleanor:
Oh, man. [She starts laughing.] Wow! Okay, okay… Yo, Mikey! Shawn! Come on out.

[Eleanor's bedroom door opens. Michael and Shawn come outside.]

Michael:
Is everything okay?

Eleanor:
Right as rain, Mikey my boy. So, Chidi and I are gonna go to the Bad Place.

Chidi:
What?!

Eleanor:
[to Chidi] Trust me, I've got this. [to Michael and Shawn] That's our decision. Let's hit it.

Michael:
Well, what about Real Eleanor?

Eleanor:
No, it's me and Chidi. Call the train.

Shawn:
Point of order. I don't accept this offer. The real mistakes were Jason and Eleanor.

Eleanor:
Gah, gah, gah, gah! You said any two of us. It's me and Chidi. Let's do it to it.

[Bambajan suddenly bursts through the door, book in hand]

Bambajan:
Michael! I just found an obscure precedent in the rules that might just save everyone.

Eleanor:
Buzz off, Bambadjan! Don't need it.

Bambajan:
…oh. Okay. [he leaves]

Eleanor:
[to Michael] Ready when you are, boss.

Chidi:
Eleanor, what's going on?

Eleanor:
[turns back to face Tahani, Jason, and Chidi] It took me a while to figure it out. But just now, as we were all fighting, and yelling at each other, and each one of us demanding we should go to the Bad Place, I thought to myself, "Man, this is torture." And then it hit me. They're never gonna call a train to take us to the Bad Place. They can't. Because we're already here. This is the Bad Place.

[She turns back to Michael and Shawn as everyone stares in disbelief. Michael stares Eleanor down for a moment, before his face splits into a wicked smile and he lets out an evil laugh.]

Michael:
Oh, man! I can't believe you figured it out.