The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Arthur Dent:
What?

Ford Prefect:
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It tells you what to do in any eventuality.

Arthur Dent:
[understandably dubious] What, even being stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder which you can't move with no hope of rescue?

Ford Prefect:
Yes. It'll have something. Watch. (He activates the Guide)

Guide:
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move with no hope of rescue: Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.

Ford Prefect:
It's time I did something about that book.

Arthur Dent:
Shame we lost the towel.

Ford Prefect:
What happened to it?

Arthur Dent:
Blew away in the wind. Fell into the river and a stream of lava rolled over it.

Ford Prefect:
[amused] Hmm. It'll give the archaeologists something to think about. 'Prehistoric towel discovered in lava flow. Was God a Marks & Spencer's sales assistant?'