The Two Ronnies

Magnusson:
And so to our first contender. Good evening, your name please?

Smithers:
Good evening.

Magnusson:
In the first heat your chosen subject was "answering questions before they were asked." This time, you have chosen to "answer the question before last" each time. Is that correct?

Smithers:
Charlie Smithers.

Magnusson:
And your time starts...Now! What is paleontology?

Smithers:
Yes, absolutely correct.

Magnusson:
What's the name of the directory which lists members of the peerage?

Smithers:
A study of old fossils.

Magnusson:
Correct. Who are Len Murray and Sir Geoffrey Howe?

Smithers:
Burke's [berks].

Magnusson:
Correct. What is the difference between a donkey and an ass?

Smithers:
One's a trade union leader, the other's a member of the Cabinet.

Magnusson:
Correct. Complete the quotation: "To be or not to be."

Smithers:
They're both the same.

Magnusson:
Correct. What is Bernard Manning famous for?

Smithers:
That is the question.

Magnusson:
Correct. Who is the present Archbishop of Canterbury?

Smithers:
He is a fat man who tells blue jokes.

Magnusson:
Correct. What do people kneel on in church?

Smithers:
The Right Reverend Robert Runcie.

Magnusson:
Correct. What do tarantulas prey on [pray on]?

Smithers:
Hassocks.

Magnusson:
Correct. What would you use a rip cord to pull open?

Smithers:
Large flies.

Magnusson:
Correct. What sort of person lived in Bedlam?

Smithers:
A parachute [parish hoot].

Magnusson:
Correct. What is a jockstrap?

Smithers:
A nutcase.

Magnusson:
Correct. For what purpose would a decorator use methylene chlorides?

Smithers:
A form of athletic support.

Magnusson:
Correct. What did Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec do?

Smithers:
Paint strippers.

Magnusson:
Correct. Who is Dean Martin?

Smithers:
He's a kind of artist.

Magnusson:
Yes, what sort of artist?

Smithers:
Erm...Er...Pass!

Magnusson:
That's near enough. What make of vehicle is the standard London bus?

Smithers:
A singer.

Magnusson:
Correct. In 1892, Brandon Thomas wrote a long-running English farce, what was it?

Smithers:
British Leyland.

Magnusson:
Correct. Complete the following quotation - (siren goes) I've started, so I'll finish. Complete the following quotation about Mrs. Thatcher: "Her heart may be in the right place but her - "

Smithers:
Charley's Aunt! [charlies aren't]

Magnusson:
Correct. You scored 18 with no passes.