You're the Worst, Season 2

Saleswoman:
You've been standing here for 20 minutes. Can I help you find something?

Gretchen:
No, I'm fine. I'm waiting for someone. My son... actually. Jayden?

Saleswoman:
Cart paralysis. It's very common. What do you need to get?

Gretchen:
Everything! I just moved in with my boyfriend and I don't have any stuff except for a food processor and, like, nineteen thongs, because even though at first we were like, "I am not wearing that," the patriarchy somehow convinced us that visible panty lines were unacceptable, so now I've just grown accustomed to the feeling of a fabric rope against my actual asshole all day. And anyway, even if I did buy the stuff of a life, there's nowhere for me to put it because I'm not sure this dude really wanted me to move in because I'm an irresponsible monster who burned down her apartment with her vibrator!

Saleswoman:
I'm just gonna leave you with this checklist for college freshmen.