Desperate Housewives, Season Two

Counselor:
"This is your third group session, but you have yet to share anything. Come on, talk to us. How's your marriage?"

Gabrielle:
"Shaky, at best."

Counselor:
"And why is that?"

Gabrielle:
"I don't know. I hired a brilliant lawyer to get my husband out of this hellhole, and he fired him for no reason at all."

Counselor:
"Carlos?"

Carlos:
"I just didn't like him."

Gabrielle:
"Why not? He's experienced, he's intelligent, he's successful."

Carlos:
"Exactly! I'd prefer an attorney you didn't find so damn appealing."

Gabrielle:
"Oh, my god. You fired him because you're jealous?"

Carlos:
"Don't I have the right to? You know, she cheated on me."

(Bob, who was also there having a group session, gasps)

Gabrielle:
"Oh, Bob. You beat your wife. You are so not allowed to gasp."

Lisa:
"Don't you talk that way to him!"

Gabrielle:
"One more word out of you, Lisa, and I will backhand you myself."

Counselor:
"Okay, calm down."

Carlos:
"Thousands of fat, bald attorneys out there in the world, and she's gotta get the one that looks like an underwear model."

Gabrielle:
"I'm not discussing this anymore. You can rot in here for all I care."

Counselor:
"So, um... Mona, what do you feel are the biggest problems in your marriage?"

Gabrielle:
(interrupting) "By the way, he was wearing a suit. How do you know he had a good body?!"

Carlos:
"Do you know?"

Gabrielle:
"No!"

Mona's Husband:
"I bet he's hot."

(everyone stops what they were doing)

Mona:
"Do I need to say what our biggest problem is, or can everybody figure it out for themselves?"