Father Ted, Series 1

Henry Sellers:
Oh what a shower of bastards!

Father Dunne:
Oh Lord Ted!, why did you give him a drink?

Father Ted:
I didn't know this would happen!

Father Dunne:
That's why they sacked him from that programme, he's a terrible alcoholic and he's been on the wagon now for a year, Oh my god Ted!

Father Ted:
How was I supposed to know?

Henry Sellers:
Sack me!, Sack me! I made the BBC! (sobs) I made it!

Father Ted:
Henry, maybe if you have a rest you'll feel better?

Henry Sellers:
Get away from me, priest!

Father Ted:
Perhaps it's time to go to bed!

Father Ted:
(After Henry kicks television) Good man there's nothing on anyway!

Henry Sellers:
Do you want a fight?!

Henry Sellers:
Bloody priests, sanctimonious scumbags!

Father Ted:
Absolutely!

Henry Sellers:
Made my life a bloody misery!

Father Ted:
Sorry about that are you sure you don't want to go to bed, we could stay up a bit longer perhaps!

Henry Sellers:
Oh I'm fed up of you bastards! I'm getting outta here don't you try and stop me (smashes through window)

Father Dougal:
It's true what they say isn't it, you should never meet your heroes, you'll only be disappointed!