Father Ted, Series 2

Bishop Brennan:
Crilly, it's me, Bishop Brennan.

Father Ted:
Oh feck! [realises his mistake]

Bishop Brennan:
WHAT!?

Father Ted:
[putting on a bad French accent] 'Oo is dis? Zere is no Crilly 'ere! [hangs up] Dear God, Dougal, I just said feck to Bishop Brennan!

Father Dougal:
Oh, he won't like that, Ted!

Father Ted:
Maybe it's alright, though. I put on a foreign voice so as he'll think he dialed the wrong number. [The phone rings again; Ted answers it]

Bishop Brennan:
Crilly.

Father Ted:
Ah, hello Bishop Brennan. I think you got the wrong number there-

Bishop Brennan:
Shut up, Crilly! Shut up! I'll make this quick. What would the following words suggest to you: "Jack", "sleep-walking", and "bollock-naked"?

Father Ted:
[mortified] Oh no!

Bishop Brennan:
Now this is the third time in the last six months! You may have heard of Brian Noonan, a very important Junior Minister- and a personal friend of mine- and I can tell you now the last thing he and his family needs to see is the vision of an elderly priest wearing only a pair of socks and a hat! Now I'll be around on Thursday to inspect security arrangements, and Crilly...

Father Ted:
Yes, your Grace?

Bishop Brennan:
[referring to the previous call] If you ever try to bullshit me like that again, I will rip off your arms!