Father Ted, Series 2

[the priests are holding a competition to find out who should get the two parachutes on the plane]

Father Ted:
Father Cave, do you want to go first?

Father Cave:
I haven't written this down, because this comes from the heart. Father Gallagher, I've known you and been your friend for many years. And I think it's important to say, I love you. I love you more than anyone I've ever loved! I don't want the parachute, give it to him! [sits down and bursts into tears, while the other priests look taken aback]

Father Ted:
R-right, well done, Father Cave. Father Fay?

[Fay stands up, clears his throat, then yells monkey-style gibberish while waving his arms around. The other priests look awed and clap admiringly]

Father Ted:
Well, beat that! Joe?

Father Joe Briefly:
I think I should get the parachute because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get both the parachutes, in case one of them doesn't work! [disapproving grumbles from the other priests]

Father Ted:
Not a popular one, Joe. Father Flynn, what did you write?

Father Flynn:
I haven't written anything, because I'm not really good at that type of thing. But I did a drawing.

Father Ted:
Right, well, can we have a look?

[Flynn reveals the drawing; it shows himself naked from behind, while walking a dog]

Father Flynn:
What do you think?

Father Ted:
Well, er...

Father Flynn:
It's me, in the nip, with a dog!

Father Ted:
[bewildered] What... how... how does that help you win a parachute?

Father Flynn:
What do you mean, parachute? I wasn't listening at the start, there. Why would I want a parachute?

Father Ted:
The plane's in trouble, and there's a competition to see who gets a parachute.

Father Flynn:
Ohh... [sits down, looking shellshocked]

Father Ted:
Okay, er, Father Jack, you next. [there is no response. The priests look around, but Jack is nowhere in sight] Father Jack? Where's Father Jack?

Pilot:
The parachutes! The parachutes have gone!

[we see Father Jack, standing at one of the aeroplane's doors; he has one of the parachutes for himself, and has strapped the other to the drinks trolley. He pushes the trolley out, then follows it]

Father Jack:
[echoing] DRIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!