Game of Thrones, Season 3

Tyrion Lannister:
[reading a note] "Roslin caught a fine fat trout. Her brothers gave her a pair of wolf pelts for her wedding. Signed Walder Frey." Is that bad poetry or is it supposed to mean something?

Joffrey Baratheon:
[gleefully] Robb Stark is dead! And his bitch mother! [to Pycelle] Write back to Lord Frey.Thank him for his service and command him to send Robb Stark's head. I'm going to serve it to Sansa at my wedding feast.

[this suggestion is met with disgust by the council]

Varys:
Your Grace, Lady Sansa is your aunt by marriage.

Cersei Lannister:
A joke. Joffrey did not mean it.

Joffrey Baratheon:
Yes, I did. I'm going to have it served to Sansa at my wedding feast.

Tyrion Lannister:
No. She is no longer yours to torment.

Joffrey Baratheon:
Everyone is mine to torment. You'd do well to remember that, you little monster.

Tyrion Lannister:
Oh, I'm a monster?! Perhaps you should speak to me more softly, then. Monsters are dangerous and just now kings are dying like flies.

[The council are aghast by this threat, though Varys gives an amused smile]

Joffrey Baratheon:
I could have your tongue out for saying that!

Cersei Lannister:
Let him make his threats. Hmm? He's a bitter little man.

Pycelle:
Lord Tyrion should apologize immediately. Unacceptable, disrespectful, and in very bad taste.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I am the king! I will punish you!

Tywin Lannister:
Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king. I'll make sure you understand that when I've won your war for you.

Joffrey Baratheon:
My father won the real war. He killed Prince Rhaegar. He took the crown while you hid under Casterly Rock!

[There is a long, tense silence, as the council wait to see how Tywin will respond to such a shocking insult; Tyrion watches eagerly to see which of the two relatives he despises the most will win. After he takes a second to contemplate his words to his grandfather, even Joffrey shows muted terror. But although Tywin's gaze never leaves Joffrey, he remains completely calm, and continues to betray no emotion]

Tywin Lannister:
The king is tired. See him to his chambers.

Cersei Lannister:
[quickly] Come along.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I'm not tired.

Cersei Lannister:
We have so much to celebrate. A wedding to plan. You must rest.

Tywin Lannister:
Grand Maester, perhaps some essence of nightshade to help him sleep.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I'm not... tired! [leaves, followed by everyone except Tywin]

Tywin Lannister:
[To Tyrion] Not you.

Tyrion Lannister:
[with grudging admiration] You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper.

Tywin Lannister:
You're a fool if you believe he's the most powerful man in Westeros.

Tyrion Lannister:
[sarcastically] A treasonous statement! Joffrey is king.

Tywin Lannister:
You really think a crown gives you power?

Tyrion Lannister:
No, I think armies give you power. (Tywin nods) Robb Stark had one, never lost a battle, and you defeated him all the same. [Tywin nods again] Oh, I know. Walder Frey gets all the credit, or the blame, I suppose, depending on your allegiance. [pause] Walder Frey is many things, but a brave man? No. He never would have risked such an action, unless he had certain assurances...

Tywin Lannister:
Which he got from me. Do you disapprove?

Tyrion Lannister:
I'm all for cheating, this is war. But to slaughter them at a wedding...

Tywin Lannister:
Explain to me why it is more noble to kill ten thousand men in battle than a dozen at dinner.

Tyrion Lannister:
(sarcastically) So that's why you did it- to save lives?

Tywin Lannister:
(impatient) To end the war- to protect the family. Do you want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead! Write one. (pause) I'm in this world a little while longer- to defend the Lannisters, to defend my blood.

Tyrion Lannister:
...The Northerners will never forget.

Tywin Lannister:
Good. Let them remember what happens when they march on the South. (pause, puts his papers away) All the Stark men are dead. Winterfell is a ruin. Roose Bolton will be named Warden of the North- until your son by Sansa comes of age. (stands up) I believe you still have some work to do on that score. (turns away, Tyrion stands up, furious, and follows him across the room)

Tyrion Lannister:
(angrily) Do you think she'll open her legs for me after I tell her how we murdered her mother and brother?!

Tywin Lannister:
One way or another, you will get that girl pregnant-

Tyrion Lannister:
I will not rape her! (pause)

Tywin Lannister:
...Shall I explain to you in one easy lesson how the world works?

Tyrion Lannister:
(sneering) Use small words- I'm not as bright as you! (Tywin glares at him)

Tywin Lannister:
The house that puts family first will always defeat the house that puts the whims and wishes of its' sons and daughters first. (Tyrion gives him an odd expression) A good men does everything in his power to better his family's position- regardless of his own selfish desires. (Tyrion begins to smirk)... Does that amuse you?!

Tyrion Lannister:
No, it's a very good lesson... (turns angry again) Only it's easy for you to preach utter devotion to family, when you're making all the decisions!

Tywin Lannister:
(angry) Easy for me, is it?

Tyrion Lannister:
When have you ever done something that wasn't in your interest, but solely for the benefit of the family?!

Tywin Lannister:
(with controlled fury) The day that you were born. (Tyrion is caught off-guard, Tywin continues, for once showing grief for the loss of his wife) I wanted to carry you into the sea and let the waves wash you away. Instead, I let you live- and I've brought you up as my son. Because you're a Lannister! (storms out, Tyrion ponders his words)