Game of Thrones, Season 3

Tyrion Lannister:
The badge looks good on you. Almost as good as it looked on me. [Tywin doesn't answer] Are you enjoying your new position?

Tywin Lannister:
Am I enjoying it?

Tyrion Lannister:
I was very happy as Hand of the King.

Tywin Lannister:
Yes. I heard how happy you were. You brought a whore into my bed.

Tyrion Lannister:
It wasn't your bed at the time.

Tywin Lannister:
I sent you here to advise the king. I gave you real power and authority. You chose to spend your days as you always have, bedding harlots and drinking with thieves.

Tyrion Lannister:
Occasionally I drank with the harlots.

Tywin Lannister:
What do you want, Tyrion?

Tyrion Lannister:
Why does everyone assume I want something? Can't I simply visit with my beloved father? My beloved father who somehow forgot to visit his wounded son after he fell on the battlefield.

Tywin Lannister:
Maester Pycelle assured me your wounds were not fatal.

Tyrion Lannister:
I organized the defense of this city while you held court in the ruins of Harrenhal. I led the foray when the enemies were at the gate while your grandson, the king, quivered in fear behind the walls. I bled in the mud for our family. And as my reward, I was trundled off to some dark little cell. But what do I want? A little bloody gratitude would be a start.

Tywin Lannister:
Jugglers and singers require applause. You are a Lannister. Do you think I demanded a garland of roses every time I suffered a wound on a battlefield? Hmm? Now, I have seven kingdoms to look after and three of them are in open rebellion. So tell me what you want.

Tyrion Lannister:
I want what is mine by right. Jaime is your eldest son, heir to your lands and titles. But he is a Kingsguard, forbidden from marriage or inheritance. The day Jaime put on the white cloak, he gave up his claim to Casterly Rock. I am your son and lawful heir.

Tywin Lannister:
You want Casterly Rock?

Tyrion Lannister:
It is mine by right.

Tywin Lannister:
We'll find you accommodations more suited to your name and as a reward for your accomplishments during the battle of Blackwater Bay. And when the time is right, you will be given a position fit for your talents so that you can serve your family and protect our legacy. And if you serve faithfully, you will be rewarded with a suitable wife. And I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking the family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock.

Tyrion Lannister:
Why?

Tywin Lannister:
Why? You ask that? You, who killed your mother to come into the world? You are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and display my colors since I cannot prove that you are not mine. And to teach me humility, the gods have condemned me to watch you waddle about wearing that proud lion that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor men will ever compel me to let you turn Casterly Rock into your whorehouse. Go, now. Speak no more of your rights to Casterly Rock. Go. [Tyrion walks away] Oh, one more thing. The next whore I catch in your bed I'll hang.

Davos Seaworth:
Your Grace, you are the rightful king. Not only by blood. You're an honorable man, a just man. And there is still a war to fight.

Stannis Baratheon:
I am fighting.

Davos Seaworth:
By burning prisoners alive?

Melissandre:
How would you punish the infidels, Ser Davos?

Davos Seaworth:
I do not judge people for the gods they worship. If I did, I'd have thrown you in the sea before you ever set foot on Dragonstone.

Melissandre:
I'm not your enemy.

Davos Seaworth:
You are my enemy.

Melissandre:
Was it me you fought on Blackwater Bay? Did I set your ships ablaze? I wasn't there when the wildfire killed our men by the thousands. I could have saved those men. You would have taken the city, Stannis would now sit upon his rightful throne, and you would stand beside him. But I wasn't there because you convinced your king to leave me behind. Do you hear them screaming? All those burning men in the water crying for their mothers, for their gods for help? Until the moment the Blackwater swallowed them. Don't despair, Ser Davos. What I told your son is true. Death by fire is the purest death.

[Davos pulls out a knife and tries to stab Melissandre, but is restrained by the guards.

Davos Seaworth:
This woman is evil! She's the mother of demons.

Stannis Baratheon:
Take him to the dungeon and lock him in a cell.

Davos Seaworth:
Your Grace!

Melissandre:
You've chosen the darkness, Ser Davos.

Davos Seaworth [to Stannis] She will destroy us all!

Melissandre:
I will pray for you.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I do apologize, my lady. Small council meetings. At what point does it become treason to waste the king's time? That's a lovely gown, my lady.

Cersei Lannister:
Yes, it suits you perfectly. I imagine you might be rather cold.

Margaery Tyrell:
The climate is a bit more forgiving back in Highgarden, Your Grace.

Joffrey Baratheon:
Shall I have them bring you a shawl, my lady?

Margaery Tyrell:
I am touched by your concern, Your Grace. Luckily for us Tyrells, our blood runs quite warm. Doesn't it, Loras?

Loras Tyrell:
Yes.

Margaery Tyrell:
Loras, isn't the queen's gown magnificent? The fabric, the embroidery, the metalwork. I've never seen anything like it.

Cersei Lannister:
You might find a bit of armor quite useful once you become queen. Perhaps before. Joffrey tells me you stopped your carriage at Flea Bottom on your way back from the sept this morning.

Margaery Tyrell:
Yes. I paid a visit to an orphanage the High Septon told me about.

Loras Tyrell:
Margaery does a great deal of work with the poor back in Highgarden. The lowest among us are no different from the highest if you give them a chance and approach them with an open heart.

Cersei Lannister:
An open heart is what you'll get in Flea Bottom if you're not careful, my dear. Not long ago, we were attacked by a mob there. We had a full complement of guards that didn't stop them. The king barely escaped with his life.

Joffrey Baratheon:
My mother's always had a penchant for drama. Facts become less and less important to her as she grows older. Our lives were never truly in danger.

Cersei Lannister:
You're right, of course. But you are your father's son. We can't all have a king's bravery.

Margaery Tyrell:
Hunger turns men into beasts. I'm glad House Tyrell has been able to help in this regard. They tell me 100 wagons arrive daily now from the Reach. Wheat, barley, apples. We've had a blessed harvest. And, of course, it's our duty to assist the capital in time of need.

Joffrey Baratheon:
Well, as Ser Loras said, Lady Margaery has done this sort of... charitable work before. I'm sure she knows what she's doing.

Cersei Lannister:
I'm sure she does.

[Missandei translates Kraznys, who cannot speak the Common Tongue, explanation of Unsullied's training to Daenerys]

Missandei:
They begin their training at five. Every day they drill from dawn to dusk until they have mastered the shortsword, the shield, and the three spears. Only one boy in four survives this rigorous training. Their discipline and loyalty are absolute. They fear nothing.

Jorah Mormont:
Even the bravest men fear death.

Missandei:
[in High Valyrian] The knight says even brave men fear death.

Kraznys mo Nakloz:
[in High Valyrian] Tell the old man he smells like piss.

Missandei:
[pauses] [in High Valyrian] Truly, Master?

Kraznys mo Nakloz:
[in High Valyrian No, not truly. Are you a girl or a goat to ask such a thing?

Missandei:
[in the Common Tongue] My master says the Unsullied are not men. Death means nothing to them.

Kraznys mo Nakloz:
in High Valyrian] Tell this ignorant whore of a Westerner to open her eyes and watch.

Missandei:
He begs you attend to this carefully, Your Grace.

Daenerys Targaryen:
Tell the good master there is no need.

Kraznys:
[in High Valyrian] She's worried about their nipples. Does the dumb bitch know we've cut off their balls? [cuts off the nipple of one of the Unsullied, who doesn't even flinch]

Missandei:
My master points out that men don't need nipples.

Kraznys:
[in High Valyrian] Here, I'm done with you.

Unsullied soldier:
[in High Valyrian] This one is pleased to have served you.

Missandei:
To win his shield, an Unsullied must go to the slave marts with a silver mark, find a newborn and kill it before its mother's eyes. This way, my master says, we make certain there is no weakness left in them.

Daenerys Targaryen:
You take a babe from its mother's arms, kill it as she watches, and pay for her pain with a silver coin?

Missendei:
[in High Valyrian] She is offended. She asks if you pay a silver coin to the mother, for her dead baby.

Kraznys:
[in High Valyrian] What a soft mewling fool this one is.

Missandei:
My master would like you to know that the silver is paid to the baby's owner, not the mother.

Daenerys Targaryen:
How many do you have to sell?

[Kraznys holds up eight fingers]

Daenerys Targaryen:
8,000.

Kraznys:
[in High Valyrian] Tell the Westerosi whore she has until tomorrow.

Missandei:
Master Kraznys asks that you please hurry. Many other buyers are interested.

Jaime Lannister:
You know, it doesn't matter how loyal a servant you are, no one enjoys the company of a humorless mute. Trust me on this. People have been serving me since I was born. You think Lady Stark is going to want a giant towheaded plank following her around for the rest of her life? A week's journey with you and she'll order you to fall on your sword.

Brienne:
If Lady Stark is unhappy with any aspect of my service, I'm sure she'll let me know. She's an honest woman.

Jaime Lannister:
For all the good it's done her. How did you come into Lady Stark's service? There's something we can talk about.

Brienne:
Not your concern, Kingslayer.

Jaime Lannister:
It had to be recently. You weren't with her at Winterfell.

Brienne:
How would you know?

Jaime Lannister:
Because I visited Winterfell. I would have noticed your dour head smacking into the archways.

Brienne:
Move.

Jaime Lannister:
Were you pledged to Stannis?

Brienne:
[disgustedly] Gods, no.

Jaime Lannister:
Ah, Renly. Really? He wasn't fit to rule over anything more important than a 12-course meal.

Brienne:
Shut your mouth.

Jaime Lannister:
Why? I lived with him at court since he was a boy, don't forget. Could hardly escape the little tulip skipping down the corridors in his embroidered silks. I knew him far better than you.

Brienne:
I knew him as well as anyone. As a member of his Kingsguard, he trusted me with everything. He would have been a wonderful king.

Jaime Lannister:
Sounds like you quite fancied him.

Brienne:
I did not fancy him.

Jaime Lannister:
Oh, gods, you did. Did you ever tell him? No, of course not. You weren't Renly's type, I'm afraid. He preferred curly-haired little girls like Loras Tyrell. You're far too much man for him.

Brienne:
I'm not interested in foul rumors.

Jaime Lannister:
Unless they're about me. It's all true about Renly. His proclivities were the worst kept secret at court. It's a shame the throne isn't made out of cocks. They'd have never got him off it.

Brienne:
[grabs Jaime by his hair] Shut your mouth!

Jaime Lannister:
I don't blame him. And I don't blame you, either. We don't get to choose who we love.

Margaery Tyrell:
Lady Sansa, it is my honor to present my grandmother... the Lady Olenna of House Tyrell.

Olenna Tyrell Kiss me, child. [Sansa does so] It's so good of you to visit me and my foolish flock of hens. We're very sorry for your losses.

Sansa Stark:
And I was sorry when I heard of Lord Renly's death, Lady Margaery. He was very gallant.

Olenna Tyrell:
Gallant, yes. And charming and very clean. He knew how to dress and smile and somehow this gave him the notion he was fit to be king.

Margaery Tyrell:
Renly was brave and gentle, Grandmother. Father liked him and so did Loras.

Olenna Tyrell Loras is young and very good at knocking men off horses with a stick. That does not make him wise. As to your fathead father--

Margaery Tyrell:
Grandmother! What will Sansa think of us?

Olenna Tyrell:
She might think we have some wits about us. One of us, at any rate. It was treason. I warned them. Robert has two sons and Renly has an older brother. How could he possibly have any claim to that ugly iron chair? We should have stayed well out of all this if you ask me. But once the cow's been milked, there's no squirting the cream back up her udders. So here we are to see things through.

Olenna Tyrell:
Here, Sansa, come sit with me. I'm much less boring than these others. Do you know my son? The Lord of Highgarden?

Sansa Stark:
I haven't had the pleasure.

Olenna Tyrell:
No great pleasure, believe me. A ponderous oaf. His father was an oaf as well. My husband, the late Lord Luthor. He managed to ride off a cliff whilst hawking. They say he was looking up at the sky and paying no mind to where his horse was taking him. And now my son is doing the same, only this time he's riding a lion instead of a horse. Now... I want you to tell me the truth about this royal boy, this Joffrey.

Sansa Stark:
I... I...

Olenna Tyrell:
You, you. Who else would know better? We've heard some troubling tales. Is there any truth to them? Has this boy mistreated you? [Sansa remains silent] Has he ripped out your tongue?

Sansa Stark:
Joff- King Joffrey, he-- His Grace is very fair and handsome and as brave as a lion.

Olenna Tyrell:
Yes, all Lannisters are lions. And when a Tyrell farts, it smells like a rose. But how kind is he? How clever? Has he a good heart, a gentle hand?

Margaery Tyrell:
I'm to be his wife. I only want to know what that means.

Olenna Tyrell:
[to a servant] Bring me some cheese.

Servant:
The cheese will be served after the cakes, my lady.

Olenna Tyrell:
The cheese will be served when I want it served. And I want it served now. [to Sansa] Are you frightened, child? No need for that. We're only women here. Tell us the truth. No harm will come to you.

Sansa Stark:
My father always told the truth.

Olenna Tyrell:
Yes, he had that reputation. And they named him traitor and took his head.

Sansa Stark:
Joffrey. Joffrey did that. He promised he would be merciful and he cut my father's head off. And he said that was mercy. Then he took me up on the walls and made me look at it.

Margaery Tyrell:
Go on.

Sansa Stark:
I- I can't. I never meant- my father was a traitor. My brother as well. I have traitor's blood. Please don't make me say anymore.

Margaery Tyrell:
She's terrified, Grandmother. Just look at her.

Olenna Tyrell:
Speak freely, child. We would never betray your confidence, I swear it.

Sansa Stark:
He's a monster.

Olenna Tyrell:
Ah. That's a pity.

Sansa Stark:
Please, don't stop the wedding.

Olenna Tyrell:
Have no fear. The Lord Oaf of Highgarden is determined that Margaery shall be queen. Even so, we thank you for the truth. Ah, here comes my cheese.

Queen Talisa:
[observing the prayer wheel Catelyn is making] May I help you, Lady Stark?

Catelyn Stark:
[sharply] No.

Queen Talisa:
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-

Catelyn Stark:
You can't help because a mother makes one for her children to protect them. Only a mother can make them.

Queen Talisa:
You've made them before?

Catelyn Stark:
Twice.

Queen Talisa:
Did they work?

Catelyn Stark:
After a fashion. I prayed for my son Bran to survive his fall. Many years before that, one of the boys came down with the pox. Maester Luwin said if he made it through the night, he'd live. But it would be a very long night. So I sat with him all through the darkness, listened to his ragged little breaths, his coughing, his whimpering.

Queen Talisa:
Which boy?

Catelyn Stark:
Jon Snow. When my husband brought that baby home from the war, I couldn't bear to look at him, didn't want to see those brown stranger's eyes staring at me. So I prayed to the gods "Take him away, make him die". He got the pox and I knew I was the worst woman who ever lived. A murderer. I'd condemned this poor, innocent child to a horrible death all because I was jealous of his mother, a woman he didn't even know! So I prayed to all Seven Gods "Let the boy live. Let him live and I'll love him. I'll be a mother to him. I'll beg my husband to give him a true name, to call him Stark and be done with it, to make him one of us".

Queen Talisa:
And he lived?

Catelyn Stark:
And he lived. And I couldn't keep my promise. And everything that's happened since then, all this horror that's come to my family...it's all because I couldn't love a motherless child.

Osha:
Isn't he ashamed, your brother, needing you to protect him?

Meera Reed:
Where's the shame in that?

Osha:
Any boy his age who needs his sister to protect him is gonna find himself needing lots of protecting.

Meera Reed:
Some people will always need help. That doesn't mean they're not worth helping.

Edmure Tully:
If I may, nephew, I encountered a situation with one of my lieutenants at the Stone Mill which may have some bearing-

Brynden Tully:
Why don't you shut your mouth about that damned mill? And don't call him "nephew." He is your king.

Edmure Tully:
Robb knows I meant him no disr-

Brynden Tully:
You're lucky I'm not your king. I wouldn't let you wave your blunders around like a victory flag.

Edmure Tully:
My blunder sent Tywin's mad dog scurrying back to Casterly Rock with his tail between his legs. I think King Robb understands we're not gonna win this war if he's the only one winning any battles. No, there's glory enough to go around.

Robb Stark:
It's not about glory. Your instructions were to wait for him to come to you.

Edmure Tully:
I seized an opportunity.

Robb Stark:
What value was the mill?

Edmure Tully:
The Mountain was garrisoned across the river from it.

Robb Stark:
Is he there now?

Edmure Tully:
Of course not. We took the fight to him. He could not withstand us.

Robb Stark:
I wanted to draw the Mountain into the west, into our country where we could surround him and kill him. I wanted him to chase us, which he would have done because he is a mad dog without a strategic thought in his head. I could have that head on a spike by now. Instead, I have a mill.

Edmure Tully:
We took hostages. Willem Lannister. Martyn Lannister.

Robb Stark:
Willem and Martyn Lannister are 14 years old.

Brynden Tully:
'Martyn is 15, I believe.

Robb Stark:
Tywin Lannister has my sisters. Have I sued for peace?

Edmure Tully:
No.

Robb Stark:
Do you think he'll sue for peace because we have his... Father's brother's great-grandsons?

Edmure Tully:
No.

Robb Stark:
How many men did you lose?

Edmure Tully:
208. But for every man we lost, the Lannisters--

Robb Stark:
We need our men more than Tywin needs his!

Edmure Tully:
I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Robb Stark:
You would have. Right here today at this gathering if you had been patient.

Brynden Tully:
We seem to be running short of patience here.

Robb Stark:
You know who isn't? Tywin Lannister.

[At a Small Council meeting]

Tywin Lannister:
What news of Jaime? [All the others remain silent] Twenty thousand unwashed Northerners have known about his escape for weeks. Collectively, you control more spies and informants than the rest of the world combined. Do you mean to tell me that none of you has any notion where he is?

Varys:
We are trying, my lord-

Tywin Lannister:
Try harder! What do we have then?

Varys:
Robb Stark and most of his bannermen are in Riverrun for the funeral of his grandfather, Lord Hoster Tully. In Stark's absence, Roose Bolton holds Harrenhal...[Varys smirks at Littlefinger] which would make him Lord of Harrenhal, in practice if not in name-

Tywin Lannister:
Let him have it; the name suits our purposes far more than that useless pile of rubble. The Lord of Harrenhal will make a worthy suitor for the widow Arryn.

Littlefinger:
For which I am extremely grateful to you, my lord. Lady Arryn and I have known each other since we were children; she has always been...positively predisposed towards me.

Grand Maester Pycelle:
A successful courtship would make Lord Baelish Acting Lord of the Vale.

Littlefinger:
Titles do seem to breed titles.

Tywin Lannister:
You'll leave for the Eyrie as soon as possible and bring Lysa Arryn into the fold, then the Young Wolf can add his own aunt to the list of people who've taken up arms against him!

Tyrion Lannister:
Far be it from me to hinder true love, but Lord Baelish's absence would present certain problems. The royal wedding may end up being the most expensive event in living memory. Summer had ended, hard days lie ahead, not a good time to leave the crown's finances unattended.

Tywin Lannister:
Fully agreed, which is why I am naming you Master of Coin. [Cersei sn*ggers]

Tyrion Lannister:
Master of Coin?!

Tywin Lannister:
It would appear to be a position that best suits your...talents.

Tyrion Lannister:
I'm quite good at spending money, but a lifetime of outrageous wealth hasn't taught me about managing it!

Cersei Lannister:
[sarcastic] I have no doubt you will prove equal to this challenge.

Grand Maester Pycelle:
[also sarcastic] Hear, hear!

Tyrion Lannister:
A surprising place to keep the Royal Ledgers.

Petyr Baelish:
I'm surprised you're surprised. This is the safest place in the city.

Tyrion Lannister:
Not for bastards (Baelish glares at him momentarily)

Ros:
That's all of them, m'Lord. (passes the ledgers to Podrick, smiling at him flirtatiously)

Tyrion Lannister:
Thank you, my dear. Pod- (notices Podrick is staring at Ros' bosom) Pod. (Podrick turns to him) Take them outside. I'll be there in a moment.

Podrick Payne:
Yes, m'Lord. (he leaves; Ros follows, smiling back at Tyrion and Petyr, who both watch her go)

Petyr Baelish:
I hear you owe that boy a... significant debt.

Tyrion Lannister:
Only my life- not all that significant, I'm afraid.

Petyrn Baelish:
You should have him kighted.

Tyrion Lannister:
(sarcastically) Ohh, if only the Master of Coin had such power!

Petyr Baelish:
If only. (pause) I owe you a significant debt. Our redheaded friend (gestures in the general direction of Ros' departure)... you secured her release when the Queen detained her.

Tyrion Lannister:
Oh- that. Of course. A simple misunderstanding.

Petyr Baelish:
(smiles dangerously) Apparently, Her Grace believed the two of you had some sort of...special relationship.

Tyrion Lannister:
We don't. (pause) I did f*** her, once.

Petyr Baelish:
I know.

Tyrion Lannister:
(confused) But- we dont.

Petyr Baelish:
(chuckles) I know- but how would the Queen get that idea?

Tyrion Lannister:
(smirks) Why don't you ask her? (he heads towards the door, followed by Baelish) Any advice for me, on my new position?

Petyr Baelish:
...Keep a low profile?

Tyrion Lannister:
If I had a golden dragon for every time I've heard that stupid joke, I'd be richer than you are.

Petyr Baelish:
Well, you are richer than I am.

Tyrion Lannister:
(nods) Good point.

Petyr Baelish:
They're only numbers- numbers on paper. Once you understand them, it's easy to make them behave. You want a real challenge? (pulls the door open a crack, letting in the sounds of prostitutes giggling.) Try whores.

Tyrion Lannister:
(smiles) I've tried quite a few. Well, lots of work to do. (cryptically) Enjoy the Eyrie.

[Melisandre is preparing to depart Dragonstone]

Stannis Baratheon:
You refuse to tell me where you're going?

Melisandre:
I don't know yet. The fires will show me.

Stannis Baratheon:
How long will you be gone?

Melisandre:
[exasperated] I don't know! [Stannis grabs her]

Stannis Baratheon:
You're abandoning me!

Melisandre:
I will never abandon you. You are the Son of Fire; I am sworn to serve you!

Stannis Baratheon:
Then serve me now.

Melisandre:
When I return you will understand.

Stannis Baratheon:
My enemies think they've destroyed me. They're laughing at me, the way Renly laughed at me. I want Joffrey dead. I want Robb Stark dead. Make me another 'son'.

Melisandre:
I cannot.

Stannis Baratheon:
Why?!

Melisandre:
You don't have the strength. It would kill you.

Stannis Baratheon:
I'm not so easily killed; men have been trying for years. I want you.

Melisandre:
Your fires burn low, my king. [Stannis turns to leave] There is another way, a better way.

Stannis Baratheon:
You told me your magic requires a king's blood.

Melisandre:
Yes.

Stannis Baratheon:
I am the one true king!

Melisandre:
You are. But there are others with your blood in their veins. You will sit on the Iron Throne, but first there must be sacrifices. The Lord of Light demands it.

[In Astapor]

Barristan Selmy:
Leave this place, Your Grace. Leave tonight, I beg you.

Jorah Mormont:
And what is she to do for soldiers?

Barristan Selmy:
We can find sellswords in Pentos and Myr.

Jorah Mormont:
Is it we already, Ser Barristan? If you want to sit on the throne your ancestors built, you must win it. That will mean blood on your hands before the thing is done.

Daenerys Targaryen:
The blood of my enemies, not the blood of innocents.

Jorah Mormont:
How many wars have you fought in, Ser Baristan?

Barristan Selmy:
Three.

Jorah Mormont:
Have you ever seen a war in which innocents didn't die by the thousands? [Barristan remains silent, but shakes his head] I was in King's Landing after the sack, Khaleesi. You know what I saw? Butchery. Babies, children, old men, more women raped than you can count. There's a beast in every man, and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand...but the Unsullied are not men. They do not rape, they do not put cities to the sword unless they're ordered to do so. If you buy them, the only men they'll kill are those you want dead. [Barristan scoffs]

Daenerys Targaryen:
You disagree, Ser Barristan?

Barristan Selmy:
When your brother Rhaegar led his army into battle at the Trident, men died for him because they believed in him, because they loved him, not because they'd been bought at a slaver's auction. I fought beside the last dragon on that day, your Grace. I bled beside him.

Jorah Mormont:
Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly...and Rhaegar died.

Daenerys Targaryen:
Did you know him well, Ser Barristan?

Barristan Selmy:
I did, your Grace. The finest man I ever met.

Daenerys Targaryen:
I wish I had known him...but he was not the last dragon.

[Tyrion is going through Littlefinger's books of commerce]

Tyrion Lannister:
For years, I've heard Littlefinger is a magician. Whenever the Crown needs money, he rubs his hands together and poof! Mountains of gold.

Bronn:
Let me guess; he's not a magician?

Tyrion Lannister:
No.

Bronn:
He's stealing it?

Tyrion Lannister:
Worse; he's borrowing it.

Bronn:
What's wrong with that?

Tyrion Lannister:
We can't afford to pay it back, that's what wrong with it! The crown owes millions to my father.

Bronn:
Seeing as it's his grandson's arse on the throne, I imagine he'll forgive that.

Tyrion Lannister:
Forgive a debt? My father? For a man of the world, you're strangely naive.

Bronn:
I've never borrowed money before. I'm not clear on the rules.

Tyrion Lannister:
Well...the basic principle is 'I lend you money, and after an agreed upon period of time, you return it...with interest'.

Bronn:
And what if I don't?

Tyrion Lannister:
Well, you have to.

Bronn:
Well, what if I don't?

Tyrion Lannister:
This is why I don't lend you money. Anyway, it's not my father I'm worried about. It's the Iron Bank of Braavos. We owe them tens of millions. If we fail to repay these loans, the Bank will fund our enemies. One way or another, they always get their gold back.

Locke:
(holding a knife to Jaime's face) You think you're the smartest man there is. Everyone alive has to bow to lick and scrape your boots.

Jaime:
My father-

Locke:
You get in any trouble, all you got to do is say "My father" and that's it. All your troubles are gone. (Jaime grumbles) Have you got something to say? (presses the knife to Jaime's eye) You don't want to say the wrong thing. You're nothing without your daddy, and your daddy ain't here. (takes the knife away) Never forget that. (rises) Here, this should help you remember! (bring's the blade down, slicing Jaime's hand off)

Varys:
Before all this unpleasantness, I was going to tell you the story of how I was cut. Do you want to hear it still?

Tyrion:
I don't know. Do I?

Varys:
As a boy, in Myr, I travelled with a group of actors through the Free Cities. One day, a man approached my master with an offer too tempting to refuse. I feared the man meant to use me in the way I'd heard some men use small boys, but what he wanted was far worse. He gave me a potion that made me powerless to move or speak, yet did nothing to dull my senses. With a hooked blade, he sliced me, root and stem. He threw my parts on a brazier, chanting all the while. The flames burned blue, and I heard a voice answer his call. I still dream of that night. Not of the sorcerer, not of his blade, but of the voice. Was it a god? A demon? Some conjurer's trick? I don't know. All I know is that he called, and a voice answered. And ever since that day, I have hated magic, and all who practice it.

[Daenerys has just sold one of her dragons, Drogon, for an army of 8000 Unsullied]

Daenerys Targaryen:
Is it done then? They belong to me?

Missandei:
[after translating] It is done. You hold the whip.

Master Kraznys:
[attempting to rein Drogon in] The bitch has her army.

[Daenerys turns to face the Unsullied. Kraznys does not notice what happens next, as he is too busy with Drogon]

Daenerys Targaryen:
[In Valyrian] Unsullied! Forward march! [they do so] Halt! [They stop]

Master Kraznys:
Tell the bitch her beast won't come.

Daenerys Targaryen:
[turns to face him, still in Valyrian] A dragon is not a slave.

Master Kraznys:
[astonished] You speak Valyrian!?

Daenerys Targaryen:
[coldly] I am Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, of the blood of Old Valyria. Valyrian is my mother tongue. [turns to the Unsullied] Unsullied! Slay the masters, slay the soldiers, slay every man who holds a whip, but harm no child. Strike the chains of every slave you see!

[the Unsullied begin slaughtering the Astapori slavers]

Master Kraznys:
I am your master. Kill her! Kill her!

Daenerys Targaryen:
[with a cold smile] Dracarys.

[Drogon breathes fire, burning Krasnyz]

Robb Stark:
It took five of you to murder two unarmed squires?

Rickard Karstark:
Not murder, Your Grace. Vengeance.

Robb Stark:
Vengeance? Those boys didn't kill your sons. I saw Harrion die on the battlefield and Torrhen-

Rickard Karstark:
Was strangled by the Kingslayer. They were his kin.

Robb Stark:
[furious] THEY WERE BOYS! Look at them.

Rickard Karstark:
Tell your mother to look at them. She killed them as much as I.

Robb Stark:
My mother had nothing to do with this. This was your treason.

Rickard Karstark:
It's treason to free your enemies. In war, you kill your enemies. Did your father not teach you that, boy?

[Brynden Tully punches Karstark in the face]

Robb Stark:
Leave him.

Rickard Karstark:
Aye. Leave me to the king. He wants to give me a scolding before he sets me free. That's how he deals with treason. Our King in the North. Or should I call him the King Who Lost the North?

Robb Stark:
Escort Lord Karstark to the dungeon. Hang the rest.

Karstark soldier:
Mercy, sire! I didn't kill anyone. I only watched for the guards.

Robb Stark:
This one was only the watcher. Hang him last so he can watch the others die.

Jaime Lannister:
[steps into a bath with Brienne] If I faint, pull me out. I don't intend to be the first Lannister to die in a bathtub.

Brienne of Tarth:
Why should I care how you die?

Jaime Lannister:
You swore a solemn vow, remember? You're supposed to get me to King's Landing in one piece. [nods to his severed hand] Not going so well, is it? No wonder Renly died with you guarding him- [Brienne rises from the bath in anger] That was unworthy. Forgive me. You protected me better than most-

Brienne of Tarth:
Don't you mock me.

Jaime Lannister:
I'm apologizing. I'm sick of fighting. Let's call a truce.

Brienne of Tarth:
[sinks back into the bath] You need trust to have a truce.

Jaime Lannister:
I trust you. [sees Brienne staring] There it is. There's the look. I've seen it for 17 years on face after face. You all despise me. Kingslayer. Oathbreaker. A man without honor. You've heard of wildfire?

Brienne of Tarth:
Of course.

Jaime Lannister:
The Mad King was obsessed with it. He loved to watch people burn, the way their skin blackened and blistered and melted off their bones. He burned lords he didn't like. He burned Hands who disobeyed him. He burned anyone who was against him. Before long, half the country was against him. Aerys saw traitors everywhere. So he had his pyromancer place caches of wildfire all over the city. beneath the Sept of Baelor and the slums of Flea Bottom. Under houses, stables, taverns. Even beneath the Red Keep itself. Finally, the day of reckoning came. Robert Baratheon marched on the capital after his victory at the Trident. But my father arrived first with the whole Lannister army at his back, promising to defend the city against the rebels. I knew my father better than that. He's never been one to pick the losing side. I told the Mad King as much. I urged him to surrender peacefully. But the king didn't listen to me. He didn't listen to Varys who tried to warn him. But he did listen to Grand Maester Pycelle, that grey, sunken cunt. "You can trust the Lannisters," he said. "The Lannisters have always been true friends of the crown." So we opened the gates and my father sacked the city. Once again, I came to the king, begging him to surrender. He told me to... bring him my father's head. Then he... turned to his pyromancer. "Burn them all," he said. "Burn them in their homes. Burn them in their beds." Tell me, if your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and stand by while thousands of men, women, and children burned alive, would you have done it? Would you have kept your oath then? [Brienne stares at him in stunned silence] First, I killed the pyromancer. And then when the king turned to flee, I drove my sword into his back. "Burn them all," he kept saying. "Burn them all." I don't think he expected to die. He- he meant to... burn with the rest of us and rise again, reborn as a dragon to turn his enemies to ash. I slit his throat to make sure that didn't happen. That's where Ned Stark found me.

Brienne of Tarth:
If this is true... why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell Lord Stark?

Jaime Lannister:
Stark? You think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side? He judged me guilty the moment he set eyes on me. By what right does the wolf judge the lion? By what right!? [collapses]

Brienne of Tarth:
Help! Help! The Kingslayer!

Jaime Lannister:
Jaime. My name is Jaime.

Tywin Lannister:
Your sister has learned that your new friends the Tyrells are plotting to marry Sansa Stark to Sir Loras.

Tyrion Lannister:
Very well. She's a lovely girl. Missing some of Loras' favorite bits, but I'm sure they'll make do.

Tywin Lannister:
Your jokes are not appreciated.

Tyrion Lannister:
It wasn't my best, but--

Tywin Lannister:
I bring them into the royal fold and this is how they repay me, by trying to steal the key to the North out from under me.

Tyrion Lannister:
Sansa is the key to the North? I seem to remember she has an older brother.

Tywin Lannister:
The Karstarks have marched home. The Young Wolf has lost half his army. His days are numbered. Theon Greyjoy murdered both his brothers. That makes Sansa Stark the heir to Winterfell. And I am not about to hand her over to the Tyrells.

Tyrion Lannister:
The Tyrell army is helping us to win this war. Do you really think it's wise to refuse them?

Tywin Lannister:
There's nothing to refuse. This is a plot. Plots are not public knowledge. And the Tyrells won't carry this one out until after Joffrey's wedding. We need to act first and kill this union in its crib.

Tyrion Lannister:
And how do we do that?

Tywin Lannister:
We find Sansa Stark a different husband.

Tyrion Lannister:
Wonderful.

Cersei Lanniser:
[smiling] Yes, it is.

Tyrion Lannister:
[after a long silence] You can't mean it.

Tywin Lannister:
I can and I do.

Tyrion Lannister:
Joffrey has made this poor girl's life miserable since the day he took her father's head. Now she's finally free of him and you give her to me? That's cruel even for you.

Tywin Lannister:
Do you intend on mistreating her? The girl's happiness is not my concern, nor should it be yours.

Tyrion Lannister:
She's a child!

Cersei Lannister:
She's flowered, I assure you. She and I have discussed it at length.

Tywin Lannister:
There, you see? You will wed her, bed her, and put a child in her. Surely you're capable of that.

Tyrion Lannister:
And if I refuse?

Tywin Lannister:
You wanted to be rewarded for your valor in battle. Sansa Stark is a finer reward than you could ever dare hope for. And it is past time you were wed.

Tyrion Lannister:
[furious ] I was wed. Or don't you remember?

Tywin Lannister:
Only too well.

Cersei Lannister:
You should be thanking the gods for this. This is more than you deserve.

Tywin Lannister:
Tyrion will do as he's bid. As will you.

Cersei Lannister:
What do you mean?

Tywin Lannister:
You'll marry Ser Loras.

Cersee Lannister:
I will not.

Tywin Lannister:
The boy is heir to Highgarden. Tyrion will secure the North, you will secure the Reach.

Cersei Lannnister:
No, I won't do it.

Tywin Lannister:
Yes, you will. You're still fertile. You need to marry again and breed.

Cersei Lannister:
[furious] I am Queen Regent, not some broodmare!

Tywin Lannister:
[shouting] You're my daughter! You will do as I command and you will marry Loras Tyrell and put an end to the disgusting rumors about you once and for all.

Cersei Lannnister:
Father, don't make me do it again, please.

Tywin Lannister:
Not another word. [rises from his seat] My children. You've disgraced the Lannister name for far too long.

[Ramsay Snow blows on a trumpet, awakening Theon, who is hanging from a rack]

Ramsay:
Sorry. Were you sleeping?

Theon:
Wa...

Ramsay:
Wa? Wa? Water! You want some water.

[Ramsay grabs a cup of water]

Ramsay:
I wish I had some for you.

[Ramsay pours the water on the ground in front of an anguished Theon. Ramsay walks up to him]

Ramsay:
So let's play a game. Which body part do you need the least?

Theon:
Please...

Ramsay:
Please is not a body part.

Theon:
I'll tell you everything, please...

Ramsay:
But you already told me everything, remember? Your daddy was mean to you. The Starks didn't appreciate you. One good bit, though: the Stark boys, they're still alive. Wouldn't that be a hunt to remember? You failed, but I'm a better hunter than you. Now, how about your little finger? You don't need that for much, do you? No? Good. Let's start with that.

[Ramsay begins loosening the binds on Theon's right hand]

Ramsay:
You've been wondering why you're here, haven't you? Where you are, who I am, why I'm doing this to you. So guess. If you guess right, I'll tell you. By the Old Gods and the New, I swear it. You win the game if you can figure out who I am and why I'm torturing you, and I win the game if you beg me to cut off your finger!

Theon:
If I win, you'll let me go?

Ramsay:
If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.

Theon:
Please...

Ramsay:
[pulling out a knife] You say please again and you'll wish you hadn't. You first. Where are we?

Theon:
The North.

Ramsay:
Too vague.

Theon:
Deepwood Motte.

Ramsay:
Terrible guess!

[Ramsay jams the knife in Theon's little finger. Theon groans in pain]

Ramsay:
Now where?

Theon:
Last Hearth.

Ramsay:
Do I look like a f***ing Umber to you?

[Ramsay moves the blade around]

Theon:
Aaaah, the Karhold!

Ramsay:
Karhold? How did you know that? Did you see any banners flying when we came in?

Theon:
No, it was just a guess.

Ramsay:
Very good, Lord Theon. And who am I?

Theon:
Torrhen Karstark.

Ramsay:
He's dead. Strangled by the Kingslayer.

Ramsay:
He was your brother. Your father is Lord Rickard Karstark.

[A defeated Ramsay sits back down]

Theon:
You swore to tell me if I-!

Ramsay:
You're right.

Theon:
Lord Rickard Karstark is Robb Stark's bannerman. I betrayed Robb. That's why you're torturing me.

Ramsay:
Yes. You win.

[Theon breathes a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Ramsay springs back to his feet]

Ramsay:
Of course you forgot to ask one question. You forgot to ask if I'm a liar!

[Ramsay sticks his knife back into Theon's little finger, causing Theon to scream in agony]

Ramsay:
I'm afraid I am.

[Ramsay begins carving Theon's skin on his little finger]

Ramsay:
Everything I told you is a lie.

[Ramsay begins to peel off Theon's little finger skin. Theon screams in absolute pain]

Ramsay:
This isn't happening to you for a reason. Well, one reason: I enjoy it.

Theon:
PLEASE CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, CUT IT OFF, AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Ramsay:
I win.

Edmure Tully:
The laws of gods and men are very clear: "No man may compel another man to marry."

Brynden Tully:
The laws of my fist are about to compel your teeth!

[Littlefinger is sitting, staring at the Iron Throne]

Varys:
A thousand blades. Taken from the hands of Aegon's fallen enemies, forged in the fiery breath of Balerion the Dread.

Littlefinger:
There aren't a thousand blades. There aren't even two hundred. I've counted.

Varys:
Heh. I'm sure you have. Ugly old thing.

Littlefinger:
Yet it has a certain... appeal.

Varys:
The Lysa Arryn of chairs. Shame that you had to settle for your second choice.

Littlefinger:
Early days, my friend. It is flattering, really, you feeling such dread at the prospect of me getting what I want.

Varys:
Thwarting you has never been my primary ambition, I promise you... although who doesn't like to see their friends fail now and then.

Littlefinger:
[stepping down from the dais] You're so right. For instance, when I thwarted your plan to give Sansa Stark to the Tyrells... if, I'm going to be honest, I did feel an unmistakeable sense of... enjoyment there. But your confidante, the one who fed you information about my plans, the one you swore to protect, you didn't bring her any enjoyment. And she didn't bring me any enjoyment. She was a bad investment on my part. Luckily, I have a friend who wanted to try something new. Something daring. And he was so grateful to me for providing this fresh experience.

Varys:
[angrily] I did what I did for the good of the realm.

Littlefinger:
The realm. Do you know what the realm is? It's the thousand blades of Aegon's enemies, a story we agreed to tell each other over and over 'till we forget that it's a lie.

Varys:
But what do we have left once we abandon the lie? Chaos. A gaping pit waiting to swallow us all.

Littlefinger:
Chaos... isn't a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, who are given the chance to climb, they refuse. They cling to the realm. Or the gods. Or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.

Missandei:
Now comes the noble Razdal mo Eraz of that ancient and honorable house, master of men and speaker to savages, to offer terms of peace. [to Razdal] Noble lord, you are in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.

Daenerys Targaryen:
[to Razdal] You may approach. Sit.

Missandei:
Will the noble lord take refreshment?

Razdal:
Ancient and glorious is Yunkai. Our empire was old before dragons stirred in old Valyria. Many an army has broken against our walls. You shall find no easy conquest here, khaleesi.

Daenerys Targaryen:
Good. My Unsullied need practice. I was told to blood them early.

Razdal:
[nods] If blood is your desire, blood shall flow. But why? 'Tis true you have committed savageries in Astapor. But the Yunkai are a forgiving and generous people. The Wise Masters of Yunkai have sent a gift for the silver queen. [slaves bring in two chests of gold] There is far more than this awaiting you on the deck of your ship.

Daenerys Targaryen:
My ship?

Razdal:
Yes, khaleesi. As I said, we are a generous people. You shall have as many ships as you require.

Daenerys Targaryen:
And what do you ask in return?

Razdal:
All we ask is that you make use of these ships. Sail them back to Westeros where you belong and leave us to conduct our affairs in peace.

Daenerys Targaryen:
I have a gift for you as well. Your life.

Razdal:
My life?

Daenerys Targaryen:
And the lives of your Wise Masters. But I also want something in return. You will release every slave in Yunkai. Every man, woman, and child shall be given as much food, clothing, and property as they can carry as payment for their years of servitude. Reject this gift, and I shall show you no mercy.

Razdal:
You are mad. We are not Astapor or Qarth. We are Yunkai and we have powerful friends. Friends who would take great pleasure in destroying you. Those who survive, we shall enslave once more. Perhaps we'll make a slave of you as well. [One of Daenerys' dragons screeches] You swore me safe conduct.

Daenerys Targaryen:
I did, but my dragons made no promises. And you threatened their mother.

Razdal:
[to his slaves] Take the gold.

[Daenerys' dragons screech and the slaves back away]

Daenerys Targaryen:
My gold. You gave it to me, remember? And I shall put it to good use. You'd be wise to do the same with my gift to you. Now get out. [Razdal leaves]

Barristan Selmy:
The Yunkish are a proud people. They will not bend.

Daenerys Targaryen:
And what happens to things that don't bend?

Melissandre:
Haven't you ever wondered where your strength came from? Your talent for fighting?

Gendry:
I'm lowborn. As low as can be. My mother was a tavern wench.

Melissandre:
Mine was a slave. So was I. Bought and sold, scourged and branded, until the Lord of Light reached down, took me in his hand and raised me up.

Gendry:
I was born in Flea Bottom.

Melissandre:
Your blood is noble.

Gendry:
Are you saying my father, he was some lord or...

Melissandre:
There. [nods to the Red Keep] Your father's house.

Gendry:
I'm just a bastard.

Melissandre:
The bastard of Robert of the House Baratheon, First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men. Why do you think the gold cloaks wanted you? There is power in a king's blood.

Brienne of Tarth:
I thought you were gone.

Jaime Lannister:
Tomorrow.

Brienne of Tarth:
Have they told you what they plan to do with me?

Jaime Lannister:
Lord Bolton's traveling tomorrow as well. He's going to the Twins for Edmure Tully's wedding. You're to remain here.

Brienne of Tarth:
With Locke?

Jaime Lannister:
I owe you a debt.

Brienne of Tarth:
When Catelyn Stark released you, we both made a promise to her. Now it's your promise. You gave your word. Keep it and consider the debt paid.

Jaime Lannister:
I will return the Stark girls to their mother. I swear it.

Brienne of Tarth:
Good-bye, Ser Jaime.

Joffrey Baratheon:
[after threatening to rape Sansa] Time for the bedding ceremony!

Tyrion Lannister:
There will be no bedding ceremony.

Joffrey:
[leading Sansa by the hand] Where's your respect for tradition, uncle?! Come, everyone! Pick her up, and carry her to her wedding bed! Get rid of her gown, she won't be needing it any longer! [pointing] Ladies! Attend to my uncle, he's not heavy!

Tyrion Lannister:
There will be no bedding ceremony.

Joffrey Baratheon:
[annoyed] There will be if I command it!

[Tyrion angrily slams his dagger into the table, startling Joffrey, and eliciting horrified silence from the wedding-goers]

Tyrion Lannister:
[raging] Then you'll be f***ing your own bride with a wooden cock!

[Lord Tywin, sensing danger, gets to his feet]

Joffrey:
[shocked, and seething] What did you say?... What...Did you. SAY!?

Tywin Lannister:
I believe we can dispense with the bedding ceremony, Your Grace. I'm sure Tyrion did not mean to threaten the king. [Tyrion visibly swallows his anger and grins]

Tyrion Lannister:
[laughs] A bad joke, Your Grace. Made out of envy of your own royal manhood. Mine is so small, my poor wife won't even know I'm there.

Tywin Lannister:
Your uncle is clearly quite drunk, Your Grace.

Tyrion Lannister:
[heavily drunk] I am the god of tits and wine! I shall build a shrine to myself at the next brothel I visit!

Margaery Tyrell:
[to Cersei, as they prepare for the wedding] You look radiant, your Grace.

Cersei Lannister:
Radiant? Why radiant?

Margaery Tyrell:
It's word that came to mind. [Cersei smiles, though falsely, and Margaery takes her arm] We're going to be sisters soon, we should be friends.

Cersei Lannister:
You're a musical girl, aren't you? I imagine you have a lovely voice.

Margaery Tyrell:
A better dancer, than a singer, I'm afraid.

Cersei Lannister:
Ah, but you know the song, the Rains of Castamere?

Margaery Tyrell:
Of course. They play it so often here at court.

Cersei Lannister:
So you know the story of House Reyne of Castamere?

Margaery Tyrell:
Not as well as you, I'm sure.

Cersei Lannister:
House Reyne was a powerful family. Very wealthy. Second wealthiest in Westeros. Aren't the Tyrells the second wealthiest family in Westeros now? Of course, ambitious climbers don't want to stop on the second highest rung. If only you could take that final step. You'd see further than all the rest. You'd be alone with nothing but blue sky above you. So Lord Reyne built a castle, as grand as Casterly Rock. He gave his wife diamonds, larger than any my mother ever wore. And finally, one day, he rebelled against my father. Do you know where House Reyne is now?

Margaery Tyrell:
Gone?

Cersei Lannister:
Gone? [menacingly] A gentle word. Why not say slaughtered? Every man, woman and child, put to the sword. I remember seeing their bodies hanging high above the gates of Casterly Rock. My father let them rot up there all summer. It was a long summer. [Quoting "Rains of Castamere] And now the rains weep o'er their halls, and not a soul to hear." [Takes Margaery's hand, looks into her eyes, and speaks in a cold tone] If you ever call me "sister" again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep.

Arya Stark:
I know a killer. A real killer.

The Hound:
That so?

Arya Stark:
You'd be like a kitten to him. He'd kill you with his little finger.

The Hound:
[points to farmer he'd meant to kill] That him?

Arya Stark:
...No.

The Hound:
Good. [moves towards farmer again]

Walder Frey:
[To Robb] Your Grace, I fear I've been, remiss in my duties. I've given you meat and wine and music, but, I haven't shown you the hospitality you deserve. My king has married and I owe my new queen a wedding gift. [Catelyn notices Roose Bolton is wearing mail, and slaps him]

Catelyn:
Robb! [Turns just as Lothar Frey attacks Talisa, and the other Freys proceed to attack the northmen]

Walder Frey:
The King in the North arises!

Catelyn Stark:
[Holding a knife to Jeyhousse's throat] Lord Walder! Lord Walder, enough! 'Let it end! Please... He is my son, my first son! Let him go and I swear we will forget this, I swear it by the old gods and the new, we will take no vengeance!

Walder Frey:
You already swore me one oath, right here in this castle. You swore by all the gods that your son would marry my daughter!

Catelyn Stark:
Take me for a hostage! But let Robb go. [Turning to Robb, who is holding Talisa's body on the ground] Robb get up, get up and walk out, please! Please!

Walder Frey:
And why would I let him do that?

Catelyn Stark:
[Turning back to Walder Frey] On my honor as a Tully, On my honor as a Stark! Let Robb go, or I will cut your wife's throat!

Walder Frey:
[Shrugs] I'll find another.

Robb Stark:
[Stands up weakly] Mother...

Roose Bolton:
[Walks up to Robb and holds him on the shoulder] The Lannisters send their regards.

[Roose stabs Robb through the heart with his longsword. Robb gasps for breath and falls back dead on the ground. Catelyn screams in anguish as she cuts Jeyhousse's throat. She drops the knife as her face goes blank, she is left standing there before Black Walder comes up behind her and slits her throat]

Tyrion Lannister:
[reading a note] "Roslin caught a fine fat trout. Her brothers gave her a pair of wolf pelts for her wedding. Signed Walder Frey." Is that bad poetry or is it supposed to mean something?

Joffrey Baratheon:
[gleefully] Robb Stark is dead! And his bitch mother! [to Pycelle] Write back to Lord Frey.Thank him for his service and command him to send Robb Stark's head. I'm going to serve it to Sansa at my wedding feast.

[this suggestion is met with disgust by the council]

Varys:
Your Grace, Lady Sansa is your aunt by marriage.

Cersei Lannister:
A joke. Joffrey did not mean it.

Joffrey Baratheon:
Yes, I did. I'm going to have it served to Sansa at my wedding feast.

Tyrion Lannister:
No. She is no longer yours to torment.

Joffrey Baratheon:
Everyone is mine to torment. You'd do well to remember that, you little monster.

Tyrion Lannister:
Oh, I'm a monster?! Perhaps you should speak to me more softly, then. Monsters are dangerous and just now kings are dying like flies.

[The council are aghast by this threat, though Varys gives an amused smile]

Joffrey Baratheon:
I could have your tongue out for saying that!

Cersei Lannister:
Let him make his threats. Hmm? He's a bitter little man.

Pycelle:
Lord Tyrion should apologize immediately. Unacceptable, disrespectful, and in very bad taste.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I am the king! I will punish you!

Tywin Lannister:
Any man who must say, "I am the king" is no true king. I'll make sure you understand that when I've won your war for you.

Joffrey Baratheon:
My father won the real war. He killed Prince Rhaegar. He took the crown while you hid under Casterly Rock!

[There is a long, tense silence, as the council wait to see how Tywin will respond to such a shocking insult; Tyrion watches eagerly to see which of the two relatives he despises the most will win. After he takes a second to contemplate his words to his grandfather, even Joffrey shows muted terror. But although Tywin's gaze never leaves Joffrey, he remains completely calm, and continues to betray no emotion]

Tywin Lannister:
The king is tired. See him to his chambers.

Cersei Lannister:
[quickly] Come along.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I'm not tired.

Cersei Lannister:
We have so much to celebrate. A wedding to plan. You must rest.

Tywin Lannister:
Grand Maester, perhaps some essence of nightshade to help him sleep.

Joffrey Baratheon:
I'm not... tired! [leaves, followed by everyone except Tywin]

Tywin Lannister:
[To Tyrion] Not you.

Tyrion Lannister:
[with grudging admiration] You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without his supper.

Tywin Lannister:
You're a fool if you believe he's the most powerful man in Westeros.

Tyrion Lannister:
[sarcastically] A treasonous statement! Joffrey is king.

Tywin Lannister:
You really think a crown gives you power?

Tyrion Lannister:
No, I think armies give you power. (Tywin nods) Robb Stark had one, never lost a battle, and you defeated him all the same. [Tywin nods again] Oh, I know. Walder Frey gets all the credit, or the blame, I suppose, depending on your allegiance. [pause] Walder Frey is many things, but a brave man? No. He never would have risked such an action, unless he had certain assurances...

Tywin Lannister:
Which he got from me. Do you disapprove?

Tyrion Lannister:
I'm all for cheating, this is war. But to slaughter them at a wedding...

Tywin Lannister:
Explain to me why it is more noble to kill ten thousand men in battle than a dozen at dinner.

Tyrion Lannister:
(sarcastically) So that's why you did it- to save lives?

Tywin Lannister:
(impatient) To end the war- to protect the family. Do you want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead! Write one. (pause) I'm in this world a little while longer- to defend the Lannisters, to defend my blood.

Tyrion Lannister:
...The Northerners will never forget.

Tywin Lannister:
Good. Let them remember what happens when they march on the South. (pause, puts his papers away) All the Stark men are dead. Winterfell is a ruin. Roose Bolton will be named Warden of the North- until your son by Sansa comes of age. (stands up) I believe you still have some work to do on that score. (turns away, Tyrion stands up, furious, and follows him across the room)

Tyrion Lannister:
(angrily) Do you think she'll open her legs for me after I tell her how we murdered her mother and brother?!

Tywin Lannister:
One way or another, you will get that girl pregnant-

Tyrion Lannister:
I will not rape her! (pause)

Tywin Lannister:
...Shall I explain to you in one easy lesson how the world works?

Tyrion Lannister:
(sneering) Use small words- I'm not as bright as you! (Tywin glares at him)

Tywin Lannister:
The house that puts family first will always defeat the house that puts the whims and wishes of its' sons and daughters first. (Tyrion gives him an odd expression) A good men does everything in his power to better his family's position- regardless of his own selfish desires. (Tyrion begins to smirk)... Does that amuse you?!

Tyrion Lannister:
No, it's a very good lesson... (turns angry again) Only it's easy for you to preach utter devotion to family, when you're making all the decisions!

Tywin Lannister:
(angry) Easy for me, is it?

Tyrion Lannister:
When have you ever done something that wasn't in your interest, but solely for the benefit of the family?!

Tywin Lannister:
(with controlled fury) The day that you were born. (Tyrion is caught off-guard, Tywin continues, for once showing grief for the loss of his wife) I wanted to carry you into the sea and let the waves wash you away. Instead, I let you live- and I've brought you up as my son. Because you're a Lannister! (storms out, Tyrion ponders his words)

[At the Twins, in the great hall, servants clean up the aftermath of the Red Wedding]

Walder Frey:
"The late Walder Frey" old Tully called me because I didn't get my men to the Trident in time for battle. He thought he was witty...but look at us now, Tully! You're dead, your daughter's dead, your grandson's dead, your son spent his wedding night in a dungeon and I am Lord of Riverrun! [cackles]

Roose Bolton:
The Blackfish escaped.

Walder Frey:
An old man on the run with no allies. I have Tywin Lannister backing me, who does he have?

Roose Bolton:
[unconvinced] As you say.

Walder Frey:
They all laughed at me, all those high lords, they all thought they were better than me: Ned Stark, Hoster Tully...people sn*gger when I marry a young girl, but who said a word when Jon Arryn married the little Tully bitch?!

Roose Bolton:
You'll be needing a new young girl.

Walder Frey:
Yes...got that to look forward to. And you...the Warden of the North! No more Starks to bow and scrape to! Must have been torture following that stupid boy all over the country.

Roose Bolton:
He ignored my advice at every turn. If he'd been a trifle less arrogant...

Walder Frey:
Calling himself "The Young Wolf"...how's that for pomposity?! Well...[raises his goblet in mock toast] Here's to the Young Wolf! [makes a mocking wolf howl]

Roose Bolton:
Forever young. [both men chuckle]

Walder Frey:
Will you move to Winterfell now that the war's over?

Roose Bolton:
At some point, perhaps. But Winterfell's in ruins.

Walder Frey:
Yes...what happened up there? I heard the Greyjoy boy seized the place. I heard he killed all the ravens and then, nothing.

Roose Bolton:
I sent my bastard Ramsay to root him out. Robb Stark offered amnesty for the ironborn amnesty if they gave us Theon.

Walder Frey:
And?

Roose Bolton:
[grins] Ramsay delivered the terms. The ironborn turned on Theon as we knew they would. They handed him over, trussed and hooded, but Ramsay...well, Ramsay has his own way of doing things.

Ramsay:
[eating a sausage] Those girls weren't lying. You had a good sized cock. [Theon weakly looks at the sausage in horror] What? [realizes what Theon is thinking] No! Pork sausage. Do you think I'm some sort of savage? When people talk about phantom limbs, an amputee might have an itch where his foot used to be. So I've always wondered, do eunuchs have a phantom cock? Next time you think about naked girls, will you feel an itch? [Theon whimpers as Ramsay grins cruelly and waves the sausage at him. After a few moments, Ramsay lowers the sausage] Sorry. I shouldn't make jokes. My mother taught me not to throw stones at cripples...[grins] but my father taught me aim for their head!

Theon:
...kill me...

Ramsay:
Sorry, what?

Theon:
Kill me.

Ramsay:
A little louder.

Theon:
KILL ME!

Ramsay:
You're no good to me dead. We need you. [Ramsay walks over to Theon and grabs his hair] You don't look like Theon Greyjoy anymore. That's a name for a lord. But you're not a lord, are you? You're just...meat. Stinking meat. You reek. Reek! That's a good name for you. What's your name?

Theon:
Theon Greyjoy.

[Ramsay backhands Theon]

Ramsay:
What's your name?

Theon:
Th-Theon Greyjoy.

[Ramsay punches Theon]

Theon:
Please...

[Ramsay grabs Theon by the face]

Ramsay:
What...is...your...name?

Theon:
Reek. My name is...Reek.

Lord Varys:
[to Shae] When did you come to this strange country?

Shae:
When I was thirteen.

Varys:
You were only a child?

Shae:
I stopped being a child when I was nine. My mother made sure of that.

Varys:
You've been a good influence on our mutual friend, you know. [Shae permits herself a smile] He used to drink from sun-down to sun-up, visit three brothels a night, gamble away his father's money. Now it's just the drinking.

Shae:
[bitterly] And now I'm his wife's servant. I brush her hair and clip her nails and empty her chamber pot.

Varys:
She is a sweet young thing. None of this is her fault.

Shae:
[angrily] I love that girl. I would kill for her. Do you think that makes it easier for me?

Balon Greyjoy:
[reading a letter] "Balon Greyjoy, Lord of the Iron Islands and invader of the North. I give you until the full moon to order all ironborn scum out of the North and back to those shit-stained rocks you call a home. On the first night of the full moon, I will hunt down every islander still in our lands and flay them living the way I flayed the 20 ironborn scum I found at Winterfell. In the box you'll find a special gift: Theon's favorite toy. He cried when I took it away from him."

[Balon stops reading and looks into the box, containing Theon's penis]]

Balon Greyjoy:
"Leave the North now or more boxes will follow with more Theon. Signed Ramsay Snow, natural-born son of Roose Bolton, Lord of the Dreadfort and Warden of the North." [to Yara] Get that out of my sight.

[Yara stares at him is disbelief]

Balon Greyjoy:
Theon disobeyed my orders. The boy is a fool. [indicates the box] He cannot further the Greyjoy line. I will not give up the lands I have seized, the strongholds I have taken. Get this away from me.

Yara Greyjoy:
He's your son.

Balon Greyjoy:
Son? He's not a man anymore.

Yara Greyjoy:
He's your son. He's my brother. He's a Greyjoy.

Balon Greyjoy:
Watch yourself. I've made my decision.

Yara Greyjoy:
And I've made mine. I'm going to pick the fastest ship in our fleet. I'm going to choose the 50 best killers on the Iron Islands. I'm going to sail up the Narrow Sea all the way to the Weeping Water. I'm going to march on the Dreadfort. I'm going to find my little brother and I'm going to bring him home.

Samwell Tarly:
I know how this must look. [remembers Aemon is blind] What I meant was-

Gilly:
I swear to you, my lord--

Maester Aemon:
I'm not a lord, my dear. Not for many, many years. Every man who joins the Night's Watch renounces all former titles. Among other things. What is your name?

Gilly:
Gilly.

Maester Aemon:
Ah, for the gillyflower. Lovely.

Gilly:
Yes, my-

Samwell Tarly:
Maester.

Gilly:
Master.

Samwell Tarly:
Maester.

Maester Aemon:
And the child?

Samwell Tarly:
She hasn't chosen a name yet.

Gilly:
His name is Sam.

Maester Aemon:
Tarly... do you remember the oath you swore when you joined this order?

Samwell Tarly:
He's not my child, Maester Aemon. She's one of Craster's wives. I remember every word of the oath. Night gathers and my watch begins. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. The realms of men. That means her as well as us. We didn't build 500 miles of ice walls 700 feet high to keep out men. The night is gathering, Maester Aemon. I've seen it. It's coming for all of us.

Maester Aemon:
Gilly, you and your son will be our guests for the time being. We certainly cannot send you back beyond the Wall.

Gilly:
Thank you... Maester. I can cook and clean and I can-

Maester Aemon:
Good. Samwell, fetch a quill and inkwell. I hope your penmanship is better than your swordplay.

Samwell Tarly:
Miles better.

Maester Aemon:
We had 44 ravens at last count. Make sure they're all fed. Every one of them flies tonight.

Tormund Giantsbane:
I smell a Crow.

Lord of Bones:
We killed his friends. Thought you'd want to question this one.

Tormund Giantsbane:
What do we want with a baby Crow?

Ygritte:
This baby killed Qhorin Halfhand.

Tormund Giantsbane:
That halfhanded cunt killed friends of mine. Friends twice your size.

Jon Snow:
My father taught me big men fall just as quick as little ones if you put a sword through their hearts.

Tormund Giantsbane:
Plenty of little men tried to put their swords through my heart. And there's plenty of little skeletons buried in the woods. What's your name, boy?

Jon Snow:
Jon Snow... Your Grace.

Tormund Giantsbane:
"Your Grace?" Do you hear that? From now on, you'd better kneel every time I fart.

Bronn:
I grow poor protecting you.

Tyrion Lannister:
Poor? Under my patronage, you've become a knight, you've served as commander of the City Watch.

Bronn:
Briefly.

Tyrion Lannister:
I'm sure you've filled your pockets.

Bronn:
And now, my pockets are empty. You've given me a taste for the finer things and if you want me to carry on protecting you, you'll have to pay more.

Tyrion Lannister:
I thought we were friends.

Bronn:
We are but I'm a sellsword. I sell my sword, I don't loan it out to friends as a favor.

Brynden Tully:
After thirty years of fighting, I... I think he'd forgotten what started' it! He asked me to stop calling myself "Blackfish". Said it was an old joke, and it was never funny to begin with. I told him, "People have been calling me 'Blackfish' for so long, I don't remember my real name!"

Catelyn Stark:
Every time he left for the Capitol, or to fight in a campaign, I'd see him off. "Wait for me, Little Cat" he'd say, "Wait for me and I'll come back to you." And I would sit at this window every day when the sun came up, waiting. I wonder how many times did Bran and Rickon stare across the moors of Winterfell, waiting for me to return?! I will never see them again!

Brynden Tully:
You musn't think it. We don't know it. They could be in hiding. Robb believes they're alive. And, he must go on believing. He's got to remain strong if he's going to prevail, and you must remain strong for him.

[Robb surveys his map, which displays the Stark forces nearly encircled by the Greyjoy and Tyrell/Lannister forces.]

Talisa Maegyr:
Come to bed.

Robb Stark:
You were right. the Karstarks are gone. Almost half our forces. Tywin Lannister knows what he needs to do, to make us unravel. Nothing. Only wait.

Talisa Maegyr:
Don't let him.

Robb Stark:
What can I do? Attack King's Landing? There's nothing he'd like better. He'd crush us in a day.

Talisa Maegyr:
You could ride North, take your lands back from the Greyjoys. Wait out the winter.

Robb Stark:
Winter could last five years. Once my bannermen are home again, sitting by the fire, surrounded by their families, warm and safe, they'll never ride south again. When I gathered my Lords together, we had a purpose, a mission. Now, we're like a band of bickering children!

Talisa Maegyr:
Give them a new purpose.

Robb Stark:
What?

Talisa Maegyr:
I don't know.

Sansa Stark:
Is that wise, my Lord?

Tyrion Lannister:
Tyrion, Sansa. My name is Tyrion. [pours himself a cup of wine]

Sansa Stark:
Is that wise, Tyrion?

Tyrion Lannister:
Nothing was ever wiser. Astoundingly long...

Sansa Stark:
What?

Tyrion Lannister:
Neck. You have one. How old are you, exactly?

Sansa Stark:
Fourteen.

Tyrion Lannister:
Well, talk won't make you any older. My lord father has commanded me to consummate this marriage.

[Sansa pours herself a cup of wine and hastily drinks it; she begins undressing]

Tyrion Lannister:
[shakes his head] Stop. I can't... I could, but I won't.

Sansa Stark:
But, your father...

Tyrion Lannister:
If my father wants someone to get fucked, I know where he can start. I won't share your bed. Not until you want me to.

Sansa Stark:
What if I never want you to?

Tyrion Lannister:
"And so my Watch begins."

Catelyn Stark:
He complained about this marriage the entire way from Riverrun, and now look at him.

Brynden Tully:
The Gods love to reward a fool.

Catelyn Stark:
Uncle!

Brynden Tully:
What? He's my nephew, I love him, and, he's a damn fool.

[Next to them, Roose Bolton prevents a servant girl from pouring him wine.]

Catelyn Stark:
Don't you drink, Lord Bolton?

Roose Bolton:
Never do, my Lady, dulls the senses.

Brynden Tully:
That's the point. Didn't you marry one of these Frey girls?

Roose Bolton:
Aye, Lord Walder let me choose any of his granddaughters and promised me the girl's weight in silver as a dowry. So, I have a fat young bride.

Catelyn Stark:
I hope she makes you very happy.

Roose Bolton:
Well, she's made me very rich.

Brynden Tully:
Pardon, my Lord, my Lady, I need to find a tree to piss on.

1st Frey Bannerman:
What d'you want?

Arya Stark:
Mind if I keep warm?

2nd Frey Bannerman:
Fuck off!

Arya Stark:
But I'm hungry.

1st Frey Bannerman:
Does "Fuck off" mean something different where you're from?

Arya Stark:
I've got money. [she reaches into her belt pouch and pulls out the Braavosi coin Jacquen gave her]

1st Frey Bannerman:
What kinda coin is that?

Arya Stark:
It's worth a lot. [she drops it on the ground when he reaches for it] Sorry.

1st Frey Bannerman:
Little shit. [as he leans over to pick up the coin, Arya violently stabs him several times in the back and neck. Sandor Clegane then kills all three of them.]

Sandor Clegane:
Where did you get the knife?

Arya Stark:
From you.

Sandor Clegane:
Is that the first man you've killed?

Arya Stark:
The first man.

Sandor Clegane:
The next time you're going to do something like that, tell me first!

Arya Stark:
[picks up the Braavosi coin] Valar Morghulis.

Jon Snow:
Ygritte, you know I didn't have a choice. You always knew who I was, what I am. I have to go home now. I know you won't hurt me.

Ygritte:
You know nothing, Jon Snow.

Jon Snow:
I do know some things. I know I love you. I know that you love me. But I have to go home now!

[He turns away and Ygritte fires an arrow into his shoulder, knocking him down in agony. Jon staggers over to his horse, climbs on and rides away, but not before Ygritte shoots him twice more. She watches him go, sobbing.]