Game of Thrones, Season 4

[Bronn enters Tyrion's cell, dressed in noble finery]

Bronn:
My lord. [makes a mocking bow]

Tyrion Lannister:
[suspicious] You have new clothes.

Bronn:
You like them, eh? Gloves are doeskin, softer than a virgin's thighs.

Tyrion Lannister:
I sent for you days ago.

Bronn:
I've been a bit busy.

Tyrion Lannister:
Doing what?!

Bronn:
My lonesome bachelor days are over. I'm to wed Lollys Stokeworth.

Tyrion Lannister:
[astounded] Lollys Stokeworth?! She doesn't strike me as your sort of girl.

Bronn:
I wouldn't say I had a single sort of girl.

Tyrion Lannister:
She's dim-witted!

Bronn:
If I wanted wits, I'd marry you.

Tyrion Lannister:
When my sister arranged this love match, did she mention that Lollys has an older sister?

Bronn:
Falyse. Aye, I did know about the older sister.

Tyrion Lannister:
And you do understand the rules of inheritance?

Bronn:
Falyse is forty and barren.

Tyrion Lannister:
She still gets Castle Stokeworth when her father dies.

Bronn:
[nods] She does...unless she happens to perish before her father, then Lollys gets the castle. [sees Tyrion's incredulous expression] What?! Ladies fall from their horse and snap their pretty necks all the time.

Tyrion Lannister:
You and my sister deserve each other. Why did you bother to come here?

Bronn:
You once said if anyone ever asked me to sell you out, you'd double their price.

Tyrion Lannister:
Is it two wives you want or two castles?!

Bronn:
One of each would do... but if you want me to kill the Mountain for you, it'd better be a damn big castle.

Tyrion Lannister:
I'm a bit short on castles at the moment, but I can offer you gold and gratitude.

Bronn:
I have gold. What can I buy with gratitude?

Tyrion Lannister:
You might be surprised. A Lannister always pays his debts.

Bronn:
Your sister's a Lannister too.

Tyrion Lannister:
My wife is heir to Winterfell. If I emerge from this with my head still on my shoulders, I may one day rule the North in her name. I could carve you out a big piece of it.

Bronn:
If and may and could. It's bloody cold up north. Lollys is soft and warm and close. If I gave you the choice between f***ing Lollys and fighting the Mountain, you'd have your britches down and your cock up before I could blink!

Tyrion Lannister:
Does he frighten you so much?!

Bronn:
I'd be a bloody fool if he didn't frighten me. He's freakish big and freakish strong, and quicker than you'd expect for a man of that size. Maybe I could take him, dance around until he's so tired from hacking at me he dropped his sword, get him off his feet somehow...but one misstep and I'm dead. Why should I risk it?

Tyrion Lannister:
Because you're my friend.

Bronn:
Aye, I'm your friend...and when have you ever risked your life for me? [Tyrion looks stunned and then despondent] I like you, pampered little shit that you are. I just...like myself more.

Tyrion Lannister:
I understand.

Bronn:
I'm sorry it has to be this way.

Tyrion Lannister:
Why are you sorry? Because you're an evil bastard with no conscience and no heart? That's what I liked about you in the first place. [they shake hands for the last time]

Bronn:
We had some good days together.

Tyrion Lannister:
Yes, we did. [Bronn goes to leave, but stops at the door]

Bronn:
What will you do?

Tyrion Lannister:
I suppose I'll have to kill the Mountain myself. Won't that make for a great song?

Bronn:
I hope to hear them sing it one day.