The League, Season 3

Ruxin:
Taco, this sukkah is supposed to be for Sukkot.

Taco:
Yes, and after Sukkot comes Taccot.

Pete:
What is Taccot?

Taco:
Taccot is an ideal plane of existence where the 12 tribes of Israel come together with people who are high on mushrooms and groove to Aphex Twin.

Kevin:
This is my home.

Taco:
Yeah, I'll give you all-access passes at a discount rate.

Pete:
Guys, can we take a seat please? Sit. [The league sits down] All right, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think our league is lacking something.

Taco:
A giant.

Pete:
No, guys, trust. Every league gets to this point where we've cheated each other so many times over the years, we don't trust each other enough to make a simple trade. We've crossed the distrust horizon into the land of no trades.

Ruxin:
Gee, I wonder who's responsible for that.

Jenny:
You are the Patient Zero of distrust, Pete.

Pete:
Okay. I admit it. But it's time for us to clear the air and get a little honesty going, okay?

Andre:
Okay. What happened in my apartment during the draft?

Everyone else:
Nothing!

Ruxin:
Did you guys cheat picking the draft order?

Everyone else:
No!

Pete:
Okay, good. Now that we're all being honest, I would like to show you something. [Removes a drape and reveals a dry-erase board with everyone's rosters, to which they are all amazed] As you can all see, all of our teams suck. Some of the lineups aren't even legal. So in honor of Sukkot, I would like to propose to you what I call the eight-way trade.

Ruxin:
Wait-an eight-way? But Andre's sister's not even here.

Taco:
Andre's sister? Shotgun last.

Pete:
I think I've come up with a plan that everyone will be happy with if we just...do this. [Proceeds to make several trades throughout] Okay, Andre, you're in need of a good defense. You have four tight ends. I have four defenses and no tight ends.

Andre:
Huh.

Pete:
Kevin, three quarterbacks.

Kevin:
That could help out Taco, and the thing is, you got to start getting rid of some of these kickers.

Taco:
I like kickers. They're the toughest.

Pete:
Jenny, you might need more at wide receiver than just Michael Crabtree. Ruxin, you could let go of one or two of your wide receivers.

Ruxin:
I'm not letting go of anyone good-no!

Pete:
Package two wide receivers with the Baltimore defense and trade it for...MJD.

Ruxin:
I like Maurice Jones-Drew.

Pete:
I know you do.

Kevin:
Hey, what about me?

Pete:
I haven't forgotten about you, Kevin.

Jenny:
It's good.

Andre:
It's like useless Good Will Hunting.

Kevin:
It's still not fair.

Pete:
Just wait. Hold on.

Taco:
You just got a great kicker.

Pete:
One more move, and it's done. Do we have a deal. [Everyone agrees] Sukkot pact 2011, all in?

Everyone else:
All in.