The League, Season 3

Kevin:
An all-MacArthur Shiva Bowl, and I'm not even in it. You know, I did not set up this league to have a trophy end up with my wife's name on it or as a bong in my attic. I'm destined to never win it.

Pete:
Maybe you're like Moses, you know-you're supposed to lead the people to the desert, but you're not allowed to go into the promised land yourself.

Andre:
Look at this! Look at this!

Pete:
Holy shit. Interception. Two points.

Kevin:
Go for the sideline. Keep going, Ed Reed.

Pete:
He's got one guy to beat.

[Jenny, on a stepladder, turns to watch and starts to fall. Kevin rushes over to catch her]

Jenny:
Oh, my God. You saved me.

Pete:
Kevin, six more points! You won!

Kevin:
I didn't even see the play.

Jenny:
You took your eyes off the game and you saved me.

Kevin:
And I beat you. Suck it!

Jenny:
Oh, I love you did great.

[They kiss and Kevin drops her]

Kevin:
I'm going to the Shiva Bowl! SHIVAKAMINI SOMAKANDAKRAM!!!

Ruxin:
[walking in with Ellie's collage] What is this?

Jenny:
Ellie's homework.

Kevin:
This is why I wanted a new kid-this one's no good.

Ruxin:
You cheated me in the draft order, and you thought you could outsmart Ruxin!

Kevin:
Ruxin, just look at what I drew up-you'll see that there was no difference in either way!

Ruxin:
I'm not looking at anything 'cause all I see are lies and collusion! This whole season is null and void! Vull and noid!