Malcolm in the Middle, Season 1

Malcolm:
I think is time to move to plan B: lying.

[Scene switches to the kitchen]

Lois:
What book report?

Malcolm:
I just remembered. I have a big book report due tomorrow, and I haven't even started reading it. [to the camera] Standard technique. You volunteer a small crime to distract them from looking for the big one.

Lois:
So what's the report on?

Malcolm:
A Tale of Two Cities.

Lois:
Oh, how many words?

Malcolm:
750.

Lois:
Was that on your assignment sheet?

Malcolm:
No, it's an addendum.

Lois:
When did you get that?

Malcolm:
Thursday. I didn't bring it home. That's why I forgot to do the assignment. [to the camera] Oh, nice one.

Lois:
Well, I suppose that if it's school work.

Malcolm:
[to the camera] That's the mislead. Wait for the reverse.

Lois:
A Tale of Two Cities. Who's that by?

Malcolm:
Charles Dickens.

Lois:
Oh, I thought it was Victor Hugo.

Malcolm:
No, it's Dickens.

Lois:
Is that the one with Jean Valjean?

Malcolm:
That's Les Miserables.

Lois:
No, no. Isn't A Tale of Two Cities the one with Jean Valjean, where he says: "It's a far, far, better thing I do..." right before he steals the loaf of bread?

Malcolm:
No. Sidney Carton says that before they behead him.

Lois:
I thought you hadn't read it.

Malcolm:
What? No, I said I hadn't written it.

Lois:
And when is it due?

Malcolm:
Tomorrow, I told you.

Lois:
On Les Miserables?

Malcolm:
Yes. No. A Tale of Two Cities.

Lois:
Which you haven't read yet.

Malcolm:
Right.

Lois:
But you just said you did.

Malcolm:
No. I-I said I didn't... and then you said... it was Thursday, and... [shouting angrily] Look, I just don't want to go to this stupid funeral!