Malcolm in the Middle, Season 2

Malcolm:
[first line] Ok, here's the thing about my family: we don't go on a lot of outings together. But when we do, there's a little tradition that we always end up observing.

Hal:
[talking to the security guard] When you say lifetime ban, I mean who's lifetime that you're talking about.

[Lois drags Malcolm and Reese by the ear while the security guard sends Hal on his way.]

Lois:
Don't you ever ask me for anything ever again. I should've just given birth to chimps, then at least I know to expect this kind of behavior.

Malcolm:
Believe it or not, I actually envy Dewey. He got to stay home and play with the babysitter.