Married... with Children, Season 6

Bud{thinking to himself}:
Two girls all over me. God, sometimes do I envy me!

Student #1:
Hey, did you hear, Miss McGowan quit!

Student #2:
How come?

Student #1:
She ran off with an airman from Scott Air Force Base. Said she needed a real man!

Bud{thinking to himself}:
No problem, more time for the young babe.

Bud:
Good news babe, my schedule opened up.

Brittany:
Drop dead. If you couldn't satisfy the needs of an older woman than what the hell would I want with you.

Bud:
Fine by me. I am always willing to satisfy the next temp that comes by.

Ugly old woman enters classroom

Old woman:
Good morning class. My name is Mrs. Fisher and I will be your English teacher for the remainder of the school year. [Mrs. Fisher sees a student and pinches his cheeks]

Bud{thinking to himself}:
Welp, one advantage of being rock bottom is that you cannot get any lower.

Al barges into classroom with a policeman

Policeman:
You are under arrest for conducting a lewd relationship with a minor!

Policeman places Mrs. Fisher in handcuffs

Mrs. Fisher:
What on Earth is happening to me?

Al:
You pudding of a woman! You cannot seduce my son, have your way with him sexually than expect to get away scot-free! I played high school football; I know the rules!

Al{talking to Bud}:
God damn it son, did you really have to do it with that pruneface?

[Policeman ushers out Mrs. Fisher. Al departs classroom too, leaving everyone confused and leaderless. Bud goes up to teacher's desk]

Bud:
I have no idea who that man was!

Bud{thinking to himself}:
This is obviously a nightmare. I need to shock myself awake. I know, I will drop my pants in front of the entire class. That will do it!

[Offscreen, Bud lowers his pants to the shock of entire class]

Bud{thinking to himself}:
Must be even more intense. I dreamed I have no underwear!

[Al returns to classrom]

Al:
Son, I am sorry for that ruckus but damnit I love you! Oh, by the way, Mommy's out of tampons, she needs you to pick up some from the drugstore after school. [Al sees Bud] God damn it, Bud for the love of all that is holy can I ask you for ten minutes of chastity and self-control!