Monk, Season 3

[Monk's game enters the second round]

Roddy Lankman:
Welcome back to Treasure Chest. My name is Roddy Lankman, and our reigning champ, Val Birch, is in the lead again with $3,000. In second place, Susan with $0, and Adrian, you're at -$1,000.

Monk:
Well Roddy, I think my luck is about to change.

Roddy Lankman:
Well there's only one way to find out: let's do Round 2 and dig for treasure. For $4,000, the bone that connects your knee to your ankle is the A) fibula, B) tibia- [Monk buzzes in]

Monk:
B, Tibia.

Roddy Lankman:
Uh, that is correct! [Applause is heard offstage; Birch scorches a glare at Monk] Next question: how many square yards in an acre? [Birch immediately buzzes in]

Val Birch:
It's C.

Roddy Lankman:
Uh, C is correct. It's 4,840 square yards.

Val Birch:
Lucky guess.

Roddy Lankman:
Lucky guess indeed. For $5,000- [Monk buzzes in]

Monk:
D.

Roddy Lankman:
Uh, D is correct. Another lucky guess. For $5,500, President McKinley was assassinated in-[Monk presses his buzzer several times]

Monk:
D-D-D-D. The answer is D, Roddy.

Roddy Lankman:
D is correct. The next question, who- [Monk buzzes in insistently]

Monk:
B-B-B-B-B-B!

Roddy Lankman:
"B" is correct, it's Jackson Brown. [Susan collapses on her podium] Susan, are you okay?

Susan:
I-I just-it looked so much easier when I was watching at home!

Roddy Lankman:
Yes it always looks easier at home. For $6,000- [Susan buzzes in]

Susan:
C!

Roddy Lankman:
No, C is not right. [Monk buzzes in]

Monk:
A.

Roddy Lankman:
'A' is correct, "the wombat". And the last question for $6,000, what element- [Monk rings in]

Monk:
D.

Roddy Lankman:
D is correct. And that's the end of Round 2, a couple of really intelligent gentlemen here. Uh, that means Adrian Monk is the winner of Round 2! Val Birch, you're gonna have to sit this one out this time. [Tanya hands Roddy the first bonus round question] Adrian, you understand what happens in Round 2: you answer these five questions correctly, you not only win this game, but you win this great big pot of gold. [gestures to the table with the treasure chests] You know how we play our game, you have five questions. Let's see how you do. [reads from the first card] Adrian, who was the first president to win a Nobel Peace Prize? [SPOILER: the answer is Theodore Roosevelt]

Monk:
Roddy, I understand I can phone a friend.

Roddy Lankman:
[scoffs] You wanna phone a friend on the first question? Well, you're the boss. Tanya, let's bring him the phone. [Tanya grabs a treasure chest with the phone while Roddy addresses his viewers] For those of you just joining us for the first time, Adrian is going to call a friend to see if he can get some help on this very important bonus round question. [Tanya hands Monk the phone] All right, who would you like to call?

Monk:
Well, Roddy, I would like to call him. [points to Val Birch]

Val Birch:
Me? You want to call me? I don't think I'm at home! [laughs]

Roddy Lankman:
Mr. Monk, what are you doing?

[up in the producer's booth, Kevin turns to Dwight]

Kevin Dorfman:
Do you know what he's doing? Because I don't know what he's doing.

Monk:
[onstage] I'm trying to prove that you are guilty of murder, Mr. Lankman, or at the very least, manslaughter. Lizzie Talvo, your personal assistant, discovered that you were cheating on the show. [Monk ignores the gasps of the horrified audience]

Roddy Lankman:
Uh, can we go to a commercial break? [Dwight immediately turns to his associates]

Dwight Ellison:
You do and you're fired.