Monk, Season 5

[J.J. hands Monk a set of headphones]'

J.J.:
Here you go, buddy.

Monk:
I'm okay. It's okay.

Natalie:
Don't do this!

Little Willie:
Come on.

Natalie:
Please be careful.

J.J.:
This is exciting!

Monk:
[snaps his fingers in Natalie's direction] Wipe. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe. Wipe.

[J.J. records and plays Monk's voice back. Monk wipes down his headset]

Max Hudson:
Okay, folks, you've got to see this. Uh, first of all, his shirt is buttoned up to his eyeballs, and he's swabbing out his headphones with a baby wipe.

Monk:
This is not a baby wipe. This is…this is an adult wipe.

Max Hudson:
Oh, I'm corrected.

J.J.:
You've gotta know the difference.

Little Willie:
One of those, oh…

Max Hudson:
Sorry about that one.

J.J.:
Hey, Adrian, let me ask you something. When you go to a crime scene, do you take a police car or a short yellow bus? :[Max claps happily with approval]

Natalie:
Mr. Monk, you don't have to answer that.

Monk:
No, no, I'll be happy to. I'll be happy to answer that. Natalie drives me.

Max Hudson:
Oh, I bet she does. [J.J. plays a sexy woman's sound. Natalie glares at them, mortified] She's driving me, baby.

Little Willie:
Who's driving Natalie?

J.J.:
Natalie.

Max Hudson:
I want to change your tires.

J.J.:
Natalie.

Little Willie:
I'll volunteer for that.

[Monk puts a wipe over his microphone, causing static feedback in the jockeys' headsets]

Max, J.J. and Little Willie:
Ow! Ow!

Max Hudson:
You're hurting me!

J.J. and Little Willie:
Ow! Oooh!

Max Hudson:
This guy's great. He's possessed.

J.J.:
' [raises fist] Yo, Adrian!

[beat]

Monk:
Yo.

[The jockeys burst out laughing, until Max signals for them to stop]

J.J.:
What is going on there?

Max Hudson:
Okay, we just lost a third of our audience. All righty, then! So, just for the record, you're here because of my sister-in-law?

Little Willie:
Loony Linda!

Max Hudson:
That's right, Loony Linda, who thinks I murdered my wife. Isn't that charming?