Monk, Season 5

[Oates is outside on the porch, and looks up to see Monk handcuffing himself to the grain drill]

Farmhand Oates:
Mr. Monk?

Monk:
Oates? Oates! Thank, God! Where's Randy?

Farmhand Oates:
He's asleep. I can't help but noticing that you're handcuffing yourself to that grain drill.

Monk:
I inhaled some reefer.

Farmhand Oates:
I got you.

Monk:
It's gonna kick in any minute.

Farmhand Oates:
Okay.

Monk:
Here's the thing. I can't tolerate any drugs or medications. It's my metabolism. I don't know what…I don't know what's gonna happen to me. I might go berserk! I might hurt somebody. Oates, dude…here. Here. [Monk throws the handcuff keys to Oates] Listen, whatever happens, don't unlock me. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY! Even if I'm begging you! Oh, my God. Here it comes! Oh, God! I think it's starting!

Farmhand Oates:
We're talking about marijuana, right?

Monk:
UH-OH! [stands up, and starts shaking, and jumping around] RIVERDANCE! Oh! Oh! I can feel it! I'm getting hungry!

Farmhand Oates:
Did you have dinner? Got some pecan pie in the fridge.

Monk:
IT'S THE MUNCHIES! Oates, whatever you do, don't put anything near my mouth!

Farmhand Oates:
Can do! But I gotta say, you know, I've had some experience in this area, and I don't think you're stoned at all.

Monk:
No! Oh, no! I SEE LIGHTS FLICKERING!

Farmhand Oates:
Yeah. They're fireflies. [The sprinklers start spraying water, and Monk gets drenched]

Monk:
What was that? What was that?!

Farmhand Oates:
It's 8:00! Irrigation sprinklers. [Monk suddenly calms down]

Monk:
Do they come on every night all over the property?

Farmhand Oates:
Every night.

Monk:
Oates. I know how he did it. I know how Belmont killed Randy's uncle. Get me out of this.

Farmhand Oates:
Okie doke. One minute you're hand-cuffing yourself to a piece of farm machinery, sobbing like a schoolgirl, the next minute you're putting all the pieces together like Sherlock Holmes. Which is the real Adrian Monk?

Monk:
Yeah, I like to think that a man is made up of many different-

Farmhand Oates:
I think it's the schoolgirl.

Monk:
Yeah, you're probably right.