Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season 3

Servo:
And, we'll be right back, right after this.

Kids, here's the greatest, the neatest, the latest thing! 5000-piece Fightin' Men 'N Monster Set (some pieces not included)! Astonish and baffle your friends and foes as you pulverize Japan! Here's what you get:

500 Japanese light infantry (body parts may not be missing)

36 helpless individuals

20 tanks

15 recoil-less rifles (not in the set)

24 Bazooka Gum runners

18 ambulance chasers

12 jet fighters (six not included)

16 helicopter parts

200 shooting crouchers

19 fighting clowns

8 deserters

6 geese a laying

24 Mohawk Indians

And much much much much more!

Act now and receive, at half the extra value, the Mystifying Monster Action Pack! Flame on with Gamera (torso sold seperately), he belches real fire and causes real pain! Solid rubber Barugon comes complete with optional ram-tongue action (not responsible for nerve damage)!

Act now, act often, and snap on the entire Tokyo Metropolitan Area (some parts may not exist)! Complete with buildings, bridges and the breakaway Monte-Nuco Dam (smaller than shown)! Trample the add on Hapless Citizen Play Set, then abhor the action with the fabulous Anti-War Protest Pack (Senator Wellstone not included)!

But that's not all! Relive your favorite Japanese movie carnage with the Lights, Gamera, Action series! There's the Gimp, the Goon, the Shamed Old Brother, the Hapless Geisha and the Fall-Apart Voodoo Kenny!

Pose in the nude with the Frisky Kitten Review, then watch the action from high atop Tokyo Tower, as the twisted world you created explodes in rivers of blood and endless pain! Order today! Offer limited! Not available in Utah or Puerto Rico! Prices subject to whim, please wear rubber underwear, and some parts may be made of chicken! Act now! Buy bonds! Mommy! Mommy!

[Joel muffles him with an oxygen mask]

Joel:
Okay, breathe, boy, breathe. That was a good one. Let's not do that again.