Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season 5

[Mike and the bots read excerpts from Jack Palance's fictional autobiography about the making of "Outlaw"]

Crow:
Let's see, uh... [doing a Jack Palance impression] "Day One: missed call. Partied all night with that platinum midget fellow and Urbano. Still having trouble seeing straight."

Mike:
Okay... [takes book and does own Jack Palance impression] "Day Three: missed call. Wandered into shot yesterday and they decided to keep it." [referring to his character's recurring phrase] "What the heck does 'Avante, avante' mean?"

Servo:
[takes book, does Palance] "Day Five: missed call. After four days of shooting, finally got script today and guess what? I'm not playing Thomas Aquinas. I'm supposed to be some kind of freakin' wizard."

Crow:
[book; Palance] "Day Eight: missed call. Just can't get cancelled series 'Brunk' off my mind. Why? Whyyyy? Can't keep anything down. Not sleeping."

Mike:
"Day Nine: missed call. Went to the village with Gina. My voice scares little Italian kids. Spent entire per diem on bunch of crap."

Servo:
"Day Ten: missed call. I think I-" [startled, reverts back to normal voice] "I think I killed a man today. More later?"

[all shudder]