Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season 5

[During the end credits]

Servo:
Ah, well.

Crow:
Have you seen the outtakes for this film?

Mike:
No, did they show 'em on Bloopers and Practical Jokes?

Servo:
No, uh, Faces of Death, actually. [They all laugh.] Sounds like Miami Vice. Say, was this movie ever released in the theaters, you think?

Mike:
No, I don't think so, but it's a good bet it was on the USA network.

Servo:
Oh! The USA- [imitates the fanfare the network used in the early '90s] I really like those original movies they made especially for the USA network. [imitates the fanfare again]

Mike:
Yeah, I know, they're great, and they all seem to have titles like, uh, Malibu Death Breast. [They laugh]

Crow:
Yeah, that or- [As a TV announcer] "Jeff Conaway and Shari Belafonte-Harper play a deadly game of cat and mouse in Murder Most Moist."

Servo:
Oh, hey! Hey, hey, let me play, I've got one. [As a TV announcer] "Judy Landers is on the trail of a devious killer in Peekaboo Lace, P.I."

Crow:
That's pretty good. Oh, wait, how bout [Announcer] "Jeff Conaway is a vigilante who stalks by night in Dark Underpants"?

Mike:
How about this one? [Announcer] "Lindsay Wagner is a sexy speech therapist held hostage in Tongue Lashing!"

Crow:
I like it!

Servo:
Hold it, hold it, hold it! I got it, I got it. How about "Jeff Conaway is up to his mouth in murder in French Pistol. CATCH IT!" [as they laugh] This is fun! Yeah.

Mike:
Okay, here. Try and top this one. "Jeff Conaway is a college professor whose secret life catches up with him in Death Spank!"

Servo:
Ooh, good one, "Death Spank"!

Crow:
I've got a good one. How about "Chris Lemmon and Heather Locklear form a crime fighting unit in The Lingerie Justice Files"?

Servo:
Ah, that's great. Wait, wait, I've got another. "Jeff Conaway and Morgan Fairchild are The Crotchless Killers."

Crow:
I like it, I like it! It's got verve, it's got- Oh, how about "Hard Buckner weaves a web of suspicion between Richard Chamberlain and Ben Vereen in Tap Pant Desire"?

Servo:
Nice use of Ben Vereen.

Mike:
I like the way you think. Try this one on. "William Devane tracks a killer on a tropical paradise in The Hawaii Edible Underwear Murders!"

Servo:
Mike, I love you for that one! Okay, get this. "Lisa Hartman is a streetwise cop who tracks a killer in Cheek Beats."

Crow:
You know, Servo, I'd marry you for that, but- Oh, I have one. This one's great. "Jeff Conaway is a crazed cult leader in The Waco Panty Raid."

Mike:
Um, uh, "Eric Roberts is a freaked out artist who gets more than he bargained for in Naked Came The Nude!"

Servo:
"Peter Deluise and Tommy Tune are Cod Police."

Mike:
[as they exit the theater] That was good.