Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season 5

[At Santa's Toyland, boys and girls from all over the world sing as Santa plays his organ.]

Servo [as Santa]:
[singing] Ho, ho, ho, ho, staying alive, staying alive...

. . .

[Over Spain]

Mike, Crow, Servo:
[singing along] I love him, I love him, and where he goes, I'll follow...

. . .

[Over China]

Servo:
[singing] We are forced to sing...

Crow:
Hey, could we move on to a country with some rhythm?

. . .

Narrator:
Boys and girls from England.

Crow:
...have rotten teeth.

Servo [as Santa]:
Feel it! Get down with your bad Santa self!

. . .

Narrator:
Japan also helps Santa.

Mike [as Narrator]:
By investing in his toy corporation, they now own Santa lock, stock, and barrel.

. . .

Narrator:
Talented children from the Orient.

Crow:
...are not here today.

Mike:
Um, uh, you're dancing on my keyboard.

Servo [as Santa]:
[singing] Get it on in the morning now!

. . .

Narrator:
Even Russia has a delegation.

Crow:
Currently under surveillance by the CIA.

Mike [as Narrator]:
Santa makes them work 16 hours a day for $2 an hour.

. . .

Narrator:
The group from France.

Servo:
...stinks to high heaven!

. . .

[Over Germany]

Crow [as General Burkhalter]:
Klink, you are a terrible singer!

Mike [as Col. Klink]:
You're absolutely right! I am a terrible singer!

Crow [as General Burkhalter]:
How would you like to sing at the Russian front?

Mike [as Col. Klink]:
Well, my father was a very famous conductor...

Crow [as General Burkhalter]:
Shut up!

Mike:
I just wanna know one thing: When are Donny and Marie coming through the door?

. . .

Narrator:
Here's a happy song from Italy.

Servo:
[sings random Italian gibberish]

Crow:
So is this neorealism?

Servo [as Don Corleone]:
Okay, we're gonna whack Santa. He's trying to muscle in on the Easter Bunny's turf.

Mike:
Okay, great. You've offended everyone now.

. . .

Narrator:
The islands of the Caribbean.

Mike:
...have nothing to do with this movie.

Servo [as a Jamaican]:
Legalize it, mon!

Mike:
[singing] Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights...

Servo [as Ed McMahon]:
Next up in the junior vocalist category: Thailand!

. . .

Narrator:
The South American group includes Brazil and Argentina.

Mike:
And a few other countries not worth mentioning right now.

Crow:
Ho! Santa's doing the forbidden dance!

. . .

Narrator:
The countries of Central America.

Mike:
...are a threat to Santa's vital security interests.

Servo:
Hey, those are the same kids from the other countries! They'll be playing the Egyptians next.

. . .

Crow:
Hooray!

Mike:
Yay! USA! Woo!

Narrator:
The children of the USA.

Crow:
...are too spoiled and lazy to help Santa. There, that makes it better.

. . .

Narrator:
A neighborly group of children from Mexico.

Crow:
...are over-accessorized.