Mystery Science Theater 3000, Season 6

[In voiceover, industrial arts nerd Joe talks about his beloved craft.]

Joe:
And you know, I like the feel of a board moving smoothly against a sharp saw.

Mike [as Joe]:
[luridly] ...then I thrust the nail into the soft, yielding wood...

Joe:
I like the smell of fresh wood chips and sawdust...

Servo [as Joe]:
[nervously] I put them in my underwear!

Joe:
...the bright glare of a welder...

Crow [as Joe]:
[wobbily] I like to sneak in and lay on the table saw!

Servo [as Joe]:
Yes!

Joe:
...the sharp whine of the power tools…

Mike [as Joe]:
...the piercing scream of a freshman…

Joe:
...or the dull tap-tap of tools on leather.

Crow [as Joe]:
[wobbily] Tap ta-tap-tap... I keep Popular Mechanics under my mattress!

Servo:
The feeling of chaps with no pants!

Joe:
...A wrench...

Mike:
Let it go, man! Shop class was a long time ago! It's OVER!

Joe:
...A plane...

Crow [as Joe]:
[haltingly] These tools are my friends!

Joe:
...or a chisel...

Servo:
What about girls young man? Girls?

Mike:
No, no, chisels!

Joe:
And I feel real good, because I'm a craftsman.

Mike [as Joe]:
And not a killer!

Joe:
Of course, I don't know if I'd ever tell my buddies all this. 'Cuz, well, sometimes they laugh when you tell them things like that.

Crow [as Joe]:
Then they pants you and drag you around the track…