My Name Is Earl, Season 3

[A cop goes to Club Chubby's per a police complaint]

Cop:
What is the problem here, ladies?

Catalina:
The problem is, officer, that this perra stole my regular!

Cop:
Alright, alright! Now let's hear Perra's side of the story.

Dancer:
He's my regular now! You weren't around! A man's got needs, and I got everything he needs [smacks butt] right here, okay?!

Cop:
What's your side of the story, sir?

Nescobar:
I don't know why they're fighting! They have both sat on my lap, they are both now my wives.

Cop:
Sir, just because a girl sits on your lap doesn't mean you're married to her!

Catalina:
You shouldn't even sit on a man's lap; you'll break his legs.

Dancer:
[Looks confused]

Catalina:
I'm calling you fat.

Dancer:
Oh, you should not have explained that!

Nescobar:
Wives, wives! I have enough seed for both of you. The skinny one, I will lay with you for pleasure. The thick one, you will birth my sons.

Catalina:
See? He called you thick!

[The two girls tackle and fight each other on a pool table; the cop restrains Nescobar from breaking up the fight]

Cop:
Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on! Let's see where this goes.

Club Announcer:
[V/O] Gentlemen, there is a catfight at the pool table!