New Girl, Season 1

[Schmidt, Winston, Cece and Paul go into Mrs. Beverly's while Jess and Nick stay outside]

Jess:
Oh, I get it. [about Paul] He's not cool enough for you. 'Cause nobody can be cool enough for cool Nick Miller. [mimicking Nick] "I'm Nick Miller. I'm so cool, I'll make my cool face." Why don't you like him?

Nick:
Who cares? Do you like him?

Jess:
Of course I like him.

Nick:
Okay, fine! It doesn't matter what I think, does it? 'Cause I don't have to have sex with him.

Jess:
I do. I want to. I want to have sex with him big-time.

Nick:
Great.

Jess:
You heard me! Big-time! Okay? I want to take him down to Chinatown and slice him off a piece of this pumpkin pie, okay?

Paul:
[to Winston] What is pumpkin pie?

Jess:
I want to do all the things that you do in a bedroom, with him, okay? I want to do it standing up and sitting down, and half-up and half-down, and the wiggly one, and the Bear Attack, and the claws in the head, and the one the figure skaters do, and the What's for Lunch, and the... Give Me That Hat. Let's just say that I'm good. I'm really, really good. And I don't care what you think!

Nick:
Then why did you ask me?

Winston:
[opens the door] Hey, Jess. Uh... just want you to know everyone really loves Paul. And also, we can hear everything you're saying.

Jess:
What?

Winston:
Play through.

Nick:
After you, Jess. Excuse me.

Jess:
So, um... just a heads-up. Uh... we're just rehearsing a play that, uh, Nick is writing. It's called... Big-Time. It's... it's about a man who, um, loves another man named Paul and it's not very good. I'm so sorry.