Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Series 9

Sean:
Can we have a look at the newspaper headline?

(cut to still from the video showing the front page of the Daily Mail - the headline reads "MILLIONAIRESS LOST IN JUNGLE - $100,000 REWARD")

Sean:
Well it's the Daily Mail so no doubt at the bottom it'll say like "millions of Ethiopians are dying, they'll probably move next door to you tomorrow!"

Mark:
Well it would be good if they moved next door to him (points to David) he could feed them, can't he?

Sean:
They don't all like sausages though, they're used to rice and stuff. (to David) Do you do rice?

David:
W...

Sean:
No, no, it's alright. This was the same time that Guys n' Dolls were about, yeah?

David:
No it was a bit later, actually... (an ice-cream van's chimes play "Oh Dear! What Can the Matter Be?")

Mark:
Ooh, your van's here!

David:
I've gotta go! (gets up) Gotta make some money! (sits back down again) You're gonna let me go as well, aren't you?

Mark:
I wasn't gonna cry for you to come back! You must feel very at home with the team captains - a 99 and a Flake!

Sean:
I'm a little bit peckish, I don't know why! (the chimes play again) Mummy, the onion ring man is here!

Ricky:
Oooh sausages! Sausages!

Mark:
Special magic sausages!

Sean:
Did you put "Van" in your name after you got the van, or is that just a coincidence?

Jenni:
I don't think it's a music video at all...

Sean:
It's Ally McCoist and he comes out and shags Midge and goes, "You're Scottish, you'll do!"

Mark:
Midge & McCoist. Urgh, what a bad porn film that would make! You'd never buy a porn film with "Midge" in the title, would you?

Sean:
Not again anyway, that's for sure!

Mark:
Although I would buy one called "The Magic Sausage", which is one of my favourite operas.

Jenni:
I really don't think it's a music video, I think it's a soap powder commercial, a really long-winded one. "Do you want to know how to get rid of dirt? Grime? Grass stains? Snake venom? Midge Ure? Use new Daz!" That might be it.

Mark:
Also to be in the jungle and do the Challenge, that would be pretty cruel, wouldn't it? "Is this better than your normal soap powder?" "We haven't got a normal soap powder, we haven't got anything to eat! Although hold on, what's that noise?" (the chimes ring again and Ricky puts his hand up)