Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Series 21

Simon:
The recent Ian Curtis biopic Control was shot in gritty black and white, much like Richard Fleeshman's new video. Only time will tell who the real troubled genius is... (stifled audience laughter. Simon checks his watch.)

Noel:
Honestly, if you diss him (points at Richard) one more time... I'll slash you up.

Kristen:
And I'm gonna watch!

Noel:
I'm gonna give you a Chinese burn and Kristen's gonna pour...

Simon:
Pot Noodle on me?! Yeah, go on!

Noel:
Cream soda this time.

Simon:
And then some dragons are gonna fly in and put bubbles in my head? Is that how it works? You just say funny words and it works, does it? You just throw out weird words, hippopotamus and juggling. Is that what you do? Is that what happens? Anyone can do that! I've got fact based jokes!

Noel:
Don't make me cut the stuffing out of your pillow!

Simon:
With a pair of scissors made of glitter?

Noel:
(matter-of-factly) No, with a motorbike made of jealousy!