Parks and Recreation, Season 2

Park Ranger:
So, what happened? I mean, did you forget to check the entire field? I find a lot of women have problems with tunnel vision.

Leslie:
No, I'm an excellent hunter.

Park Ranger:
How did you end up shooting a guy in the head, then?

Leslie:
Fair enough. I was walking in the woods and then I tripped and my gun went off.

Park Ranger:
Ah, so you forgot to put the safety on.

Leslie:
Oh, I always have the safety on, I mean... While I was tripping I saw a quail and I shot at it.

Park Ranger:
In mid-trip?

Leslie:
No. That's. Okay, fine. I got that tunnel vision that girls get. That's what happened, end of story.

Park Ranger:
Well, I think you're hysterical because of all the excitement, obviously. So, I'm just not following your story. All right?

Leslie:
[jumpcuts between statements] Um, I let my emotions get the best of me.

I just, I cared too much, I guess.

I was thinking with my lady-parts.

I was walking and I felt something icky.

I thought there was gonna be chocolate.

I don't even remember.

I'm wearing a new, um, bra and it closes in the front and it pop-open and it threw me off.

All I wanna do is have babies!.

Are you single?

I'm just, like, going through a thing right now.

I guess when my life is incomplete I wanna shoot someone.

This would not happen if I had a penis!

(While putting on lipstick) What?

Bitches be crazy.

I'm good at tolerating pain, I'm bad at math, and I'm stupid.