Rescue Me, Season 1

Tommy:
What is that?

Colleen:
What, the cookies?

Tommy:
No. Below the cookies, peeking out of your pants, and it better not be a tattoo because if it is a tattoo, you're not gonna see the light of day ever again.

Colleen:
It's not like it's huge.

Tommy:
Move the cookies. [she moves them] Oh my, god. What the hell?

Colleen:
It's a shamrock.

Tommy:
I can see it's a shamrock.

Colleen:
You're always saying that we should be proud of being Irish.

Tommy:
You wanna be proud you're Irish? Wave a flag, march in a parade, have 100 kids ... not yet. Oh my god.

Colleen:
It's not that big of a deal, Mom has a tattoo on her butt.

Tommy:
How do you know that?

Colleen:
She showed me.

Tommy:
She showed you? Jesus Christ. [groans] I'll tell ya' what, you're gonna get rid of that yourself, or I'm gonna get rid of it for you.

Colleen:
How?

Tommy:
I'm sure Black & Decker has some kind of attachment.

Colleen:
It's my body. You can't tell me what to do with it.

Tommy:
Oh, really? Let me just remind you of a couple things, okay? When you turn 18 years old, you can move out of this house and you can get a flower tattooed on your ass, and a rainbow tattooed on your tits, but until then as long as you live under my roof, you play by my rules. No tattoos.

Colleen:
I didn't get it while I was living under your roof, I got it while I was living under Mom's.