Rescue Me, Season 1

Franco:
I was readin' FHM yesterday and they said that the average cock is like six inches long.

Mike:
Yeah we're huge! [slaps Sean's hand]

Sean:
Huge.

Chief:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you two ponies start swingin' your johnson's around, answer one question for me. Did you measure from the top or bottom?

Tommy:
Ooh. A little fly in the ointment.

Chief:
Did you go from the under carriage, from the ball-sac to the tip?

[Mike and Sean exchange looks]

Sean:
Yeah. Yeah, we did.

Chief Reilly:
Well then you might as well have been measuring from the base of your spine because everybody gets at least an inch going the other way. You gotta go from the pubic bone to the tip.

Mike:
Ah, no way, that means I'm only like 6 1/2.

Chief Reilly:
Almost.

Mike:
Shit.

Sean:
I don't know if you're right about that, Chief.

Chief Reilly:
Been there, done this, boys. I got twenty that starts the "biggest dick in the crew" contest. Who wants in?

Mike:
You gonna measure yours?

Chief Reilly:
I haven't seen my feet in ten years let alone my dick.

Tommy:
Chief, I got a question.

Chief Reilly:
And I think I know what that question is Firefighter Gavin.

Tommy:
Really?

Chief:
Girth?

Tommy:
Ha. Exactly.

Sean:
Wait. What? Girth.

Tommy:
Circumference, asshole.

Lou:
That's gonna be a completely different story. I'm gonna double the wager.