Rescue Me, Season 4

Sean:
Hey, guys, I'm dyin', whoo! I can barely keep my eyes open, I got hammered last night. Those Long Island Iced Teas really do a number on 'ya, you know? Brutal. [Tommy and Kenny go to walk away] Hey, you wanna know how many I had? Two... and a half. Yeah, you know, it was hardcore, you know where I woke up this morning? My couch. It's pretty goddamn embarrassing, you know? I think I might have a problem.

Tommy:
I have been waiting for this moment for a long, long time. [hands him a pamphlet]

Sean:
What's that?

Tommy:
It's a little thing we like to call the 20 questions. It's from Alcoholics Anonymous, it's kinda like a booze exam if you'd like to take it.

Sean:
Okay. [reads questions from it] 'Is drinking making your home life unhappy?' It's mostly her drinking, so no. 'Do you drink because your shy with other people?' No. 'Is drinking affecting your reputation?' No. No. No. No. Why are you supposed to have yes' for this? Because if it's no's I'm gonna ace this thing.

Tommy:
Lou.

Lou:
One time in the not so distant future my cousin Mike and I are gonna take out drinking. And if we notice you like to drink and get drunk and drink to excess, and if you pass the Shea cousin's drinking exam, then you will be called an alcoholic.

Sean:
Why's that?

Lou:
Because we're all alcoholics, functioning yes, but blazin' alky's all the same.