Seinfeld, Season 8

George:
I was handcuffed to the bed, in my underwear, where I remained for […] She certainly seemed interested in me and though she was attractive, she was also in fact, a Nazi […] The water I had been swimming in was very cold and when I dropped the towel there had been significant shrinkage […] Her parents were looking at me. So there I was, with a marble rye hanging from the end of a fishing pole […] In closing, these stories have not been embellished because they need no embellishment. They are simply, horrifyingly the story of my life as a short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man. Thank you. Oh, also: my fiancée died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out. Thanks again.