Top Gear, Series 3

[after James's 5-series film]

Jeremy:
Were you... in any way unwell when you recorded that?

James:
Well, actually, I did have a really bad dose of the pox.

Jeremy:
That explains it. Because anybody whose eyes were working probably would recognize that this is the ugliest thing - it is!

James:
It is a superb-looking car.

Jeremy:
It's the first car ever where children will be sick before they get in the back.

James:
Rubbish.

[...]

James:
All right. You are an executive - this is going to take a bit of imagination - you're an executive, OK, and you've got to buy a new car. You're not going to buy that S-Type Jag, are you? It's a great drive but you wouldn't let your kids sit around with their mouths open like that. E-Class Mercedes, now, you've got a Mercedes, how much have you enjoyed it over the summer?

Jeremy:
No, I haven't, it's been innnnn the shop the entire time. It goes in broken, it comes back more broken and goes in again. That's pretty much Mercedes ownership these days.

James:
Right. So you're not having one of those.

Jeremy:
No.

James:
You're not having an Audi A6 'cause it's too old.

Jeremy:
Uh, no.

James:
You're not having a Kia Magentis 'cause it's stupid.

Jeremy:
I might!

James:
No you wouldn't.

Jeremy:
No, you're right, I wouldn't.

James:
And you're not going to have an Alfa 166 because nobody would buy a new one.

Jeremy:
No.

James:
You, Jeremy Clarkson, you are the European director of photocopying, brackets, toner distribution. [points to the 5-series] You will buy one of these!

Jeremy:
I've suddenly decided I don't want to talk to you any more.