Two and a Half Men, Season 2

Alan:
You know why I was being audited? Not because I have unsubstantiated deductions, which I have. Not because I take the occasional cash payment from a client and forget to report it, which I do. It was because no one at the IRS could believe I was paying as much alimony as I claimed! It took me three hours to convince them that, yes, I am that big a schmuck!

Charlie:
Oh, boo-hoo. You want a real fun time? Try finding an extra-small Ben Franklin costume at 9:00 in the morning.

Alan:
Oh, right! The play, uh, how was it?

Charlie:
Boffo. A smash. Among the highlights were a twelve-year-old Chinese George Washington with a powdered wig and a snot bubble, and your kid in a bald cap and granny glasses holding a Tweety Bird kite and announcing he's discovered "elasticity".