Two and a Half Men, Season 3

Two and a Half Men (2003-present) is a TV series original centered around a hip single bachelor whose lifestyle is interrupted when his newly separated brother and his son move in. more »

Charlie:
Forget it, Alan. I only do the après sex chat with people I've just had sex with.

Alan:
Come on, she's [Kandi] playing Family Feud with her toes!

Charlie:
I don't care if she's playing banjo with her nipples!

Alan:
But I-- I need to communicate after lovemaking. I-- I need to share.

Charlie:
Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you started boinkin' a girl with the IQ of Tickle Me Elmo!

Alan:
Fine. [walks away from Charlie toward Berta] Hey, Berta, how's it going?

Berta:
Back off, Zippy. If you want pillow talk, you gotta spoon me first.

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