Two and a Half Men, Season 6

Miss Pasternak:
Jake, I have wonderful news: From now on, as part of each lesson, we're gonna spend time casting demons out of you. [to Alan]: It's the Devil that's making him stupid.

Jake:
I told you it wasn't my fault.

Alan:
Uh, uh, Miss Pasternak, wh-- while I'm thrilled that you're helping Jake with his schoolwork, I'm not sure an exorcism is really called for.

Miss Pasternak:
Do you want your son to go to Hell, Alan?

Alan:
Depends. Do they have a college prep program?

Miss Pasternak:
Eternal damnation is no laughing matter.

Alan:
I know. I've been married twice. [laughs]

Jake:
You think you have to wear a jockstrap in Hell?

Charlie:
Yes, but not your own.