Two and a Half Men, Season 7
[Charlie and Alan are playing a Word game in which they insult each other with letters of the alphabet]
Alan:
You are a lush!
Charlie:
You are a leech!
Alan:
You are a misogynist!
Charlie:
You are a mistake!
Alan:
You are a...What are we up to?
Charlie:
N.
Alan:
Thank you. You are a...Necrophiliac!
Charlie:
She was drunk, not dead, I challenge!
Alan:
Fine. You are a narcissist.
Charlie:
Better. You are a nancy-boy.
Alan:
You are old!
Charlie:
You are odd...ly shaped.
Alan:
[Phone rings] Hang on.
Charlie:
You are a parasite.
Alan:
Not your turn. [Answers phone] Hello. Hey Judith what's up?...What do you mean what happened with Jake, we had a nice weekend. Well we went driving, to the movies, uh ice cream.
Charlie:
Quack, rectal, suckwad!
Alan:
[To Charlie] I never got my P.
Charlie:
All you do is pee.
Alan:
[To Judith] Nothing, just a little word game, exercise the brain. [To Charlie] Twit!
Charlie:
Turd burglar!
Alan:
[To Judith] Judith, I don't know what Jake's problem is. We had a terrific weekend...Huh. [To Charlie] Jake says he doesn't wanna come here anymore.
Charlie:
Really why?
Alan:
I don't know. [To Judith] Did he say why? Charlie and I don't bicker. I mean, no more than any other couple...of guys. [To Charlie] Right?
Charlie:
Right. Ooh, ooh, ooh, you are a eunuch.
Alan:
That's E, not U. Learn to spell. Useless! [to Judith] I don't know what to tell you. He's a teenager, he'll get over it...Okay, okay, buh-bye. [Hangs up] Well I hope you're happy.
Charlie:
I haven't been happy in seven years.
Alan:
For your information, I will not have been here seven years until next fall.
Charlie:
Oh, good, circle the date on the calender so I'll know when to hang myself.
Alan:
Ha ha, very funny. Because of you, Jake doesn't wanna come here anymore.
Charlie:
Great, let me know what I did so I can do it to you!
Alan:
You are such a...What are we up to?
Charlie:
V.
Alan:
Varmint! You are a varmint.
Charlie:
Yeah, well...you are a vagina!
Alan:
You're calling me a vagina?
Charlie:
No, no, that's too good for you. What you are is...vagina adjacent.
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