The Young Ones, Series 2

Mrs Vyvyan:
Hello, Vyvyan!

Vyvyan:
Piss off!

Mrs Vyvyan:
That's no way to talk to your mother, Vyvyan!

Vyvyan:
Alright then... piss off, Mum!

Mrs Vyvyan:
That's better.

Vyvyan:
What d'you want?

Mrs Vyvyan:
Well, what're Mums for?

Vyvyan:
I dunno, having babies?

Mrs Vyvyan:
(twisting the crotch of his jeans) Don't be so sexist, Vyvyan!

Vyvyan:
(gasps in pain) I'm sorry, Mum!

Mrs Vyvyan:
No, I heard you was ill so I bought you a present.

Vyvyan:
The last present you gave me was a box of matches.

Mrs Vyvyan:
That was a joke.

Vyvyan:
I was only eight weeks old... well, what've you bought me this time?

Mrs Vyvyan:
A bottle of vodka.

Vyvyan:
(smiles) Oh, brilliant! Thanks, Mum! (tips the bottle and nothing comes out.) This is empty.

Mrs Vyvyan:
Ha! Ha! Up yours, ugly!