'Allo 'Allo!, Series 5

[René goes to the Gendarmerie (police station) as he continues to look for somewhere safe to hide from Denise Laroque. Watch this on YouTube]

René:
Service! Is this a police station or a mortuary? (He rings the bell on the counter)

Crabtree:
Would you please stop bonging the bill, or I shall lick you up for disturbing the puss.

René:
Office Crabtree, it is I, René Artois (He removes his false beard). Will you lock me up, please?

Crabtree:
Are you confessing to some cream?

René:
Yes. Cream galore!

Crabtree:
In that curse, you must fill in a foam. Here is a list of creams. I will tick what you have din. Meerder?

René:
No.

Crabtree:
Minslaughter?

René:
No.

Crabtree:
Roop?

René:
No.

Crabtree:
Biglary?

René:
No.

Crabtree:
Biglary with minaces?

René:
No.

Crabtree:
Handbog snitching?

René:
No.

Crabtree:
Arsin?

René:
What is "arsin"?

Crabtree:
Setting fire to places.

René:
Ah! My life is in danger, so I will confess to all of these things, as long as you lock me up.

Crabtree:
I see. Unfortunately, all the sills are filled to caposity. Could you come back next woke?

René:
Oh my God! Why do I pay rates?