2 Broke Girls, Season 4

Max:
Earl, can I borrow your paper? I wanna check my horoscope to see if I'll still be a whore in the future. All right, who wants to go first?

Oleg:
Ooh, do me! Do me! Do me!

Caroline:
Can we have one night at the dinner that doesn't end with you yelling that at a woman?

Max:
All right, I'll go. "Gemini, the Twins." And they're both doing fine, so let's move on. Han, what sign are you? I'm guessing the 40-year-old Virgo.

Han:
Max, you don't need that paper. I'll tell you what's in your future: Using my name as a reference at Chipotle.

Earl:
You guys really believe in that crap? They just tell you what you wanna hear. "You will be rich. You will be famous." You'd think I'd buy a newspaper if it said, "You will be a 75-year-old cashier"?